Nicole D'Onofrio

Capture It

2012-01-29T10:53:00.000-08:00

I think that Eminem, the rapper, said it best, when he said, "Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity To seize everything you ever wanted — One moment Would you capture it or just let it slip?"

That is what happened to me in September of 2011. I chose to "Capture it!" I was at my wits end. I had just moved to Hoboken, NJ and could not get a job, and kept gaining weight and feeling miserable. I was going on dates every night, eating out all the time, drinking, and wishing I could get back to the Nicole I used to believe I was. I felt untalented, unimportant, unhealthy, and unattractive. I had forgotten my worth. I will never forget, that I prayed to God one night and just kept asking him to help me get back to my healthy self somehow and back to believing in me. Literally, the next day, I was checking my e-mail and I saw something posted saying they were looking for people to try out Jillian Michael's workout program. It said looking for people who wanted to lose between 20 and 40 pounds. I let go of my pride and e-mailed my story. Right away I received an email back and was called in to be interviewed. I was picked right away.

When I got there they took photos of me and had me step on a scale. I literally had not weighed myself in a year, so I was scared. I was shocked when I read 174 pounds. How had I let myself go that much? The people were so supportive and I was in such a down state about myself, but they had this belief that by 90 days, I would lose all the weight that I wanted to lose.

Jillian Michael's workout and diet plan was one of the hardest things I have done in my life. It had me strength training and doing cardio. I could not drink alcohol for 3 months, have any desserts, or fake sugars. I worked every part of my body and became stronger physically and mentally every day! I learned that the mind is so powerful and you can get your body to do things that you can't fathom doing. I can now do 100 pushups!

I decided not to date in the three months and the few dates I went on, I just had coffee. It was nearly impossible to date anyways without being able to eat or drink anything outside of her diet plan. When I performed with my band, Zilla Willa, I gave the guys in my band my drinks. I also did not go out with friends much. In doing all of this, I had three months of self-reflection. I learned to become my own best friend. That is the most important thing beyond my weight loss of 40 pounds and 46 inches, that I gained from this program. I learned to love myself! I learned my worth.

These three months literally changed my life. As the program ended, I met the love of my life, was hired to teach fitness classes to adults and kids, became more confident performing with my band and improv troupe, met some of the most inspirational and amazing people, and learned to believe in myself and never let that go. I learned that although I got to the shape I wanted, it was the girl on the inside that was beautiful. I have gained a little weight back, but I continue to strive to eat healthy for life and always include fitness in my life.

I encourage everyone to go for what they want, have time for self reflection, and never be resistant to change or something out of your comfort zone...it just may change your life! Just "Capture it!" I believe whole heartedly in paying it forward, so feel free to e-mail me at nicoledonofrio@yahoo.com if you have any questions or need advice on anything in your life that my blog made you think of.

You may see my before and after pictures here:

http://www/.jillianmichaelsbodyrevolution.com/drtv/ecs/reviews-success-stories.html

This Moment

2012-01-23T17:53:00.000-08:00

Today I felt overwhelmed. I guess you could say, I felt a little lost. I realized that I am always running from thing to thing, day to day. I love everything I do, but sometimes I feel like I need another me in order to do it all. As I came home today, tears welled up in my eyes. I felt as if there is so much that I want to do, but I do not know how to put it all together.

I feel that my purpose is really big. It may be bigger than what I dream of even. I believe that I am called to help people in a big way. I want to sing, to act, to do improv, to do personal training, to write, to work with kids, to song write, etc. but ultimately I want to spread joy. I know I will figure out a way to group my loves at some point and what I end up doing may surprise me, but sometimes I wish I could know now.

I felt all this and then as I was checking my e-mail, I came across a video my mother sent me. It made me take a deep breath and realize to have gratitude. Be grateful for all that I am already achieving and be patient. Be happy that I have found so many loves. Be courageous in continuing to explore the avenues I have before me and live each day fully and present and seeing the joy and spreading it in every avenue I am venturing toward. In time, I will discover the best path for me, but if I have to stretch every part of me today, it is better than being held tight away from everything I love.

When I watched the little girl in the video, she reminded me of what I love to do, explore, and maybe it is not so bad after all and I haven't finished my exploration. When I heard the old man speak, he reminded me to take a look around and that I need to have some moments to just feel, feel the rain, feel the sun, feel the love around me, feel my strengths and weaknesses, and most importantly feel gratitude for every person that has come into my life. To be in the moment. I encourage you to watch this video...

The video: http://tedxtalks.ted.com/video/TEDxSF-Louie-Schwartzberg-Grati

Ice-skating Hope

2011-12-30T11:31:00.000-08:00

Yesterday an amazing thing happened. This may sound odd, but it was one of the most challenging things that I have ever had to do. I nanny for a little boy who just turned five and I was nannying for him all day yesterday. His mother suggested that we go ice-skating because it would be something fun to do and he had never gone. I had not been ice-skating since I was in high school and thought it would be fun too.

We arrived at the ice skating rink, rented skates and were about to go on the ice. As I peered at the ice-skating rink, watching people zoom across the ice, I was reminded of how hard it was when I first learned to ice skate. It then dawned on me, how was I going to teach someone to ice skate for the first time and could I even still ice-skate?

I held on to the little boy tightly by the hand and told him to hold the railing. He watched all the skaters going by and said, “I want to ice skate right now!” I explained that it takes a little time and he could do it, he just had to learn some basic things first. He was impatient and moving his feet as fast as possible, only to fall. He would cry and I would explain, to be successful at this, we are going to have to take some falls. He began blaming me for why he could not do it, looking in my eyes with desperation that he wanted to have this skill. I did not know what to do and then I said, lets get off the ice.

We got off the ice and just observed the other skaters. We observed adults, way older than him moving barely an inch at a time, still holding onto the railing. We observed people who looked like professionals, gliding smoothly along the ice, spinning around and coming to a stop effortlessly. We observed little kids falling or just walking upon the ice. We observed it all and figured out what was working best for people and how we could achieve that. The forward motion seemed to be the trick. We practiced off the ice moving forward one foot at a time and not stopping.

We got back on the ice and to my amazement, he was moving, while holding on to the railing, not falling like before. He said he wanted to go faster like the other people. I said he could, but it would take some time. A clump of people were all at the railing and we had to decide if we would wait for them to move ahead or challenge ourselves to go away from the railing and glide past them. Of course he and I took the challenge. I just told him don’t stop, keep going forward, don’t stop moving. When we finally stopped, we not only had passed all those people. We had looped around the entire rink. I said to the little boy, how about we try going around one more time and then we go home and he said, how about three more times. Now that is determination! Not only did we circle around the rink three more times, but we circled around pretty darn fast. Two things this boy had asked for happened…to learn to skate right at that moment and also skate fast.

That is the power of will and determination. He fell down and he got back up. He did not let it stop him and as much as I thought it would be challenging to see him sad and angry, I did not lose my patience in teaching him, I believed in him.

I truly believe anything is possible if you want it bad enough. This is a small story, but he held the hope and I did not give up on him. To him it is a day in his life that gained him a new skill set. It also taught me how important it is to have patience and encouragement towards another person. I think of my own life and all the dreams and things I have wanted to accomplish. I always held the hope that they would come true and sometimes I was lucky enough for the right people to come along, hold the hope with me and challenge my potential. I hope God continues to bring people and scenarios into my life that helps me to do what seems to be the impossible. This year alone, I have learned our minds are more powerful than we can imagine. As the new year approaches, I feel proud of all that I accomplished this year and excited for more new beginnings. It doesn’t matter if you are 5 or 85, we can always grow and learn and challenge our potential. What is something you think you can’t do? Maybe you should give it one more try!

Back to Me

2011-11-29T21:00:00.000-08:00

Today I had a crazy realization. I was running on the treadmill and realized that I have found myself. In the past three months, a lot has happened. I let go of a lot of things, pondered a lot, and really focused my life. I think sometimes in life, stuff happens that makes us stray from our true self. Circumstances, people, insecurities, etc.

I lost 40 pounds recently and although that is great, the biggest thing was that I got back into fitness and back to not letting the exterior of me get in the way of who I really am. I used to be crazy into fitness and was certified as a personal trainer, but many things pulled me away from that. I used to eat healthy and be all about the power of food for your body, but that too I strayed from. I remember the best thing about working out every day was that it made me more focused on all the goals in my life. I am back into fitness now and have gained a lot of knowledge on health and fitness and just want to pay it forward in as many ways as I can. As I ran 5 miles today, I realized I went back to the true me, the fit me, the girl who always looks to go forward, not fall behind.

I have realized what I do need and do not need in my life as well. It is funny how you can grow so much, but people can see you in the same way. I used to ask questions or not be confident about things that I already knew the answer too. I guess you could say that I held back in fear, but now I have more direction with my wants and actions. I have realized what I truly love and what I deserve and not to settle for anything less. It is crazy to think of some of the guys I dated that I knew weren't right for me, but I stayed dating out of thinking the guy of my dreams wouldn't like me. It is even crazier to think of people I hung around whom I didn't feel the best around, but it was someone to hang out with. We all deserve to be surrounded by people who enrich our souls, not pull us down.

I have narrowed down my biggest interests. I love singing, acting, people, working with children, fitness, and improv. If I can continue living my life incorporating these things in my jobs, I will be happy with my work. I believe happiness is yours and yours alone. There is no need to prove yourself to other people, unless you need that to be happy. Success is what success is to you. If you will be happiest having an amazing 9 to 5 job that makes you tons of money, then awesome, but if you will be happiest doing a million jobs, that incorporate everything you love, but may not make as much, that is great too. Find your own happiness and find people who support your happiness.

I have learned to listen more, be more patient, deal directly with emotions instead of coping them with something else, to be open, and to push my limits. I think if you want something bad enough, it can happen. Think of a goal and conquer it...I dare you!

43 things

2011-10-26T19:45:00.001-07:00

I have discovered so much in the past three months. I really have confirmed my belief that anything is possible...maybe not anything, but close to it, if you persist. There is an amazing site called www.43things.com If you go to http://www.43things.com/person/broadwaybeachgirl you will see my list that I made in 2007. It is funny because it is 4 years later and I still want a lot of those same things and some of those things, I have semi achieved or am in the process of achieving.

I have been reading a lot of inspirational books lately and have been surrounding myself with super uplifting people and I feel my life has shifted so much. It is so important to be around positive influences to your life. I am currently reading this book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. In it, it says "If we observe humans who are two years old, we find that most of the time these humans have a big smile on their face and they're having fun. They are exploring the world. They are not afraid to play. They are afraid when they are hurt, when they are hungry, when some of their needs are not met, but they don't worry about the past, don't care about the future, and only live in the present moment." It then says, "Our normal human tendency is to enjoy life , to play, to explore, to be happy, and to love."

It is such a true statement, so why do we lose it. Why do we become so serious as we age? Why do we still think of past hurts? Life can be extremely hard, but I have really come to learn to let go. The only thing we have is the here and now and it is so important to appreciate that and capture everything you desire for in life. I have grown to really appreciate a smile, the love from my family, the sun, water to quench my thirst, a body that moves me, and conversations. I have found that although this is a material world, I am still drawn to the simplistic things.

So bite into life and find your passions. I know I still want to complete some of my 43 things,...what are your 43 things?

Beautified

2011-10-10T10:11:00.000-07:00

Recently I have felt that the world has beautified my soul. I do not mean that I have become more beautiful on the outside, but I mean on the inside. I have developed a sense of confidence in myself that has allowed me to step away from thinking about what others think of me and to really hear people out and learn from them and see them for what they are really about. One thing I am absolutely horrible at is remembering people's names. I have come to find out that the reason for this is that, I am thinking so much about what their first impression of me is, that I don't pay attention to their name. How often do we really listen to people?

I love encounters with people...that serendipitous thing where you meet someone and they may say something to you that turns your whole day around. I have been wanting to speak Italian again and lately every time that I am on the subway, I encounter Italians traveling in New York. I of course, begin a conversation with them and it always makes my day and helps me practice my Italian.

The other day, I ran into a woman who was nannying for a boy that was playing with the boy I nanny for. She told me that she was from Africa originally. I began to tell her that my ex boyfriend was actually from Africa. I could see her begin to have a sense of ease in talking to me, after I said this. It turns out that she was born in the same part that he was from. She explained the culture there and gave me a lot of answers that I had always been yearning to know about. We began to chat every time the two boys were playing.

One day when we were talking, she told me that I had a natural light about me. She started explaining that she was a Christian, but that she believed that God is love and no matter what, you have to live life with love. She explained that sometimes people hurt you, but you must just pray for God to change their hearts and let it go, because if you hold on to all that hurt, you won't be able to share love. She explained that she believes that sometimes God wants us to be miserable so that you draw closer to him. It was amazing that she said all of this because I definitely feel that has happened in my life. I feel so blessed for the opportunities that I have had lately, but a lot of bad stuff happened before and I just think having faith in something is so important. I am not saying that everyone has to believe in God, but even faith in love, music, a place...something to keep you going is essential!

I try to live my life open every day. Open to everyone...rich, poor, homeless, black, white, brown, purple, every ethnicity, all religions, and from this I have enriched my mind in so many ways. I wish the world would all do this and I know it can't be that way, but each person who spreads a little love, makes a difference. Open your heart to a stranger today :) Beautify your soul!

Make your day worth every bit!

2011-09-23T08:28:00.000-07:00

I have learned a lot in the past month, reflected, and grown so much. I just started nannying for a little boy who is four. He has blonde hair and brown eyes like me and a killer smile ha ha.

When I first started nannying for him, I figured it would just be routine, everyday the same, but as I started watching him, I realized I was learning every day. Since he is four, there is no down time to chat on the phone or read. He has shown me how much energy I really possess inside (he runs around a lot!). He has taught me to be brave by asking me to do crazy things on the playground and believing that I can do it, even when I don't believe in myself. He has opened up my social world, by making friends with every kid on the playground, so of course I talk with their nannies or parents. He has shown me to enjoy things and eat slow. He takes half an hour to eat an ice cream cone. He has taught me to channel my creativity and imagination. We have played Candy land about 50 times by now, and are best friends with the characters in the land. He has taught me how much you can learn from being still and observing. I watch him just stare at people or situations for a long time sometimes and look in awe at how patient and reflective he can be. He has shown me to look at nature and animals (A shiny rock is so special and a squirrel).

Even the nannies I have met have inspired me. One nanny is from Ecuador. I told her I used to study Spanish and now she makes it a point to teach me and practice with me. I also met a lady from Serbia who was a film director there and is nannying here. It was great to learn about her culture.

Every day is an adventure with this little boy. So I say, don't be stagnant with anything, don't settle for mediocre. Create the life you want and bite into it! Find ways to constantly learn. I always read on the subway now or walk a new direction. There are endless possibilities when you open your mind, heart, and soul.

The power of words

2011-09-12T07:32:00.000-07:00

Recently I have tested my limits and pushed myself harder towards some goals than I have in a while. In doing so I discovered the power of words. The power of what other people say to me but also the power in what I say to myself. I can either say, "I can do this" or "I can't" and whatever I say happens, simple as that.

I recently had someone tell me that my positivity was so beautiful. That made me smile the whole night. Another person recently said, hello gorgeous, as I walked down the street. I definitely walked with more confidence after hearing that. The other day I was in a workout class and the instructor came over to me and said, "I am so proud of you" You can not believe how much that meant to me. It was at a point in class where I was trying so hard, wanting to quit, but trying to push through and those simple words made me work hard till the end of the workout.

I think sometimes we forget that EVERYONE, no matter who they are need these words of encouragement. Find ways to motivate or say what you feel to a friend, family, or even a stranger and you may impact a life...

Keep the strength within you

2011-08-25T07:25:00.000-07:00

Life is never permanent. Nothing really is. This I have come to realize. Sometimes things happen that we never expect that can shake us up a bit. How do we handle these times?

This past week has been one of the craziest weeks of my life. Some major changes happened that shook me up a bit. In my mind, I felt lost, alone, nervous, and needy. As the week progressed though, I realized I'm still here. I have me, when all is lost, I have me. I believe we all have a strength and light within us. Sometimes we just have to dig deep.

I truly believe that things happen for a reason and also in the law of attraction. Something really exciting happened to me this week that needed to happen. I am unable to disclose what it is at this time, but it was something that has been on my mind for a long time. I feel blessed for the opportunity that I have been handed, but also wonder, did the universe answer my plea?

Everyone has weaknesses, but I believe we can conquer them. Life is moving all the time and there is still time to work on whatever your weakness is. I try to do that every day. When negative thoughts arise in my mind, I say, how can I turn this into a positive?

For example, I get scared of belting high notes at times, so I work on it. I look at people on the subway with glum faces and get mad at how stand offish they may seem, but then I reevaluate how I look to them. I see a friend not listening to me and get frustrated and realize that maybe I have not been listening to her as well. I think it is important to seek answers to what upsets you.

I've also learned to let go. The universe has a way of closing one door and opening another. Life is funny that way. What is meant to be will be and forcing anything otherwise will just lead to bitterness.

This week I realized that I am a strong woman in body and in soul. The mind is a powerful thing and you can get through anything and sometimes you have to test your limits. Do you feel strong today? What is missing that would make you stronger? Shine your brightest light, listen to the universe, keep peace in your heart and be strong and the world is yours...

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

- Groucho Marx

Settling in a new place

2011-08-05T11:50:00.001-07:00

I have finally settled into Hoboken and I must say, I like it a lot. I have had a lot of "me" time lately. Time to reflect, see things, explore etc. I think it is so important that people have "me" time. I have realized that the things that make me most joyful are people, performing, being healthy and fit, writing, music, improvisation, making people smile and laugh, and children. I think sometimes we feel that we need to fit someone else's mold, but our mold may be totally fine.

Moving here, I wanted to do it all, act in movies, tv, commercials, sing on stage, go out to bars and restaurants, learn guitar and ukulele, write a book, make new friends, do improv...writing it all down even stresses me out. Wanting to do all of that was starting to really stress me out. I am a go getter and always have been, but I think I have finally narrowed some of my wants down.

I have learned from my belly that I cannot drink and eat out every night, not only does my body not like it, my mind doesn't either. I have learned that I can't really fit in writing music, seeing shows and working on my voice while going to acting auditions all day. I have realized music is what I love most more than acting, whether it be performing with my own band (http://soundcloud.com/zillawilla) or watching shows in New York. I love supporting other musicians as well. I have learned that I really love children and need to continue being around them. When I pass by little kids, I always have to say hi. I decided to end my voyage of searching for a waitress job, and will be nannying in the fall instead. I have realized that I love to write. I am working on some blogs with some writers, as well as working on my book. I still have such a love of comedy, I can thank Lucille Ball for that. Happy 100th Birthday to Lucy! I just got into an improv troupe in NYC (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Rufus-Khan/207408718128). I have realized that nature and water give me so much peace of mind. I like to walk down to the river in Hoboken a lot to reflect and clear my thoughts. I have realized that I don't need to be friends with the whole world and should cherish the friendships I come across that I know will last a lifetime. I have learned to continue to explore and enjoy the journey, not the results.

It definitely took me a while to center myself in a new place, but I am still me and finally understanding you can hold yourself true to that, no matter where you travel and people will actually appreciate you more for that.

At the heart of it

2011-07-11T09:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I realized who I am in a big way. Moving to Hoboken, and being in the city all the time has shown me a new world. In a big way, a world focused on the self and pressures-pressures to be gorgeous, stylish, thin, rich, successful, intelligent, etc.

I have always known that my industry (music, film, entertainment) requires some of this, but have always been able to not focus on that and to focus on my main goal of being able to make a person's day, make them smile, and hopefully inspire them through what I do.

I must admit, being surrounded by New York, has made me feel the pressure. It made me forget what I have inside my heart, who I really am, that I can never let go of.

Yesterday, I was a clown in the Bronx, NY. I had never been to the Bronx, so I was a little nervous in how to get there by subway. The subway I wanted was actually closed, but luckily a woman who needed the same subway, showed me what buses to take and other subways and we journeyed together. She was so kind. Sometimes when I ask people for directions in the city, I feel like I have taken so much of their time, but she was so helpful and caring.

When I arrived and changed into my clown costume, I was positioned in a chair on a side walk to give children balloons and tattoos for free. I cannot tell you, how happy it made me feel. I counted to 30 with the children in their native languages as I put tattoos on them and waited for them to be done. Many of the children were from Pakistan, so we counted in Urdu, while others were Spanish. They giggled as I tried to remember my high school Spanish with them. They kept asking me why I was giving them balloons and I said "To make you smile, you are smiling, aren't you?" They laughed some more. The kids were having so much fun and were so full of life. They all had so much joy and it was so nice to see that. An old women came up to me and said, "You are so beautiful! Are you just a clown or what?" I said, no, I sing and went to college. "Sing something now!" She said. I was a little taken aback, but I sang a little. "You are gonna make it kid," She said. "What are you, 18?"
I replied, "No, I am actually 24." She was so embarrassed and said well you look 18.

The day was so rewarding for me. I could have stayed there all day doing this. An energy company called Citizens Choice Energy was promoting their product as I handed out balloons, and when time was up, I stayed longer to give a few more balloons.

The company said, "You work so well with children!"...and then I remembered who I am, what is inside my heart, what is bigger than everything superficial on television, with over production of music, with money. The big picture is Happiness. I like to spread happiness. It gives me so much joy to see children, not caught up in the bigger world yet, with a genuine love of life. I never want to lose that, and I want to give that all the time with everything I do. Inside ourselves is always the true you, do you know the true you? It brought tears to my eyes when a child got so excited over a tattoo I gave them or a balloon, just hearing them laugh at my silly banter.

If I can make at least one person smile each day, that means more to me than anything. I honestly don't know why this is, but if I ever become societies view of "success", I hope that I never lose sight of that! We are the world and we have impact with every choice we make and every thing we do! How will you affect the world today?

I Now Understand

2011-06-21T10:48:00.000-07:00

Life has been crazier than ever lately. I took a risk and moved away from Princeton, NJ, a place I can now call one of my homes. I lived there for six years and developed family, friendships, and many connections. I had steady jobs and people knew me.

I have now moved to Hoboken, NJ to pursue my dreams. I wanted to be closer to New York to pursue my acting dreams, but also stay in New Jersey to continue to pursue my singing dreams and work with my band here. I have to admit, it has been one of the hardest things I have ever done.

I am the type of person who is always working on something, always wanting to accomplish the next thing. I figured when I moved here, I would waitress on the side and audition, but it is way harder than I thought. I must have applied to at least 7 restaurants and everyone of them has said, "You need at least two to five years waitressing experience!" or "Aww, you seem sweet." Who would have thought instead of working teaching or working as a Disney princess, I should have been waitressing? Also I have realized I am really honest and no one wants to hire someone, who if they land an audition, will leave their business.

In all this, I have realized a lot though. I now understand that no job is small. Every job requires time, training, and a strong work ethic. It requires a passion toward the employer's product. I have learned that it doesn't cut it to be "sweet" in this world either. My resume is filled with teaching, and working well with kids, but that doesn't make someone believe that I can serve food or be a great employee for their company.

Hoboken is beautiful though and I get to see all different types of people everyday and am a hop, skip, and a jump away from New York.

It is so weird to be in a place where I know no one, except my roomate. I know in time, I will grow to know the community and I am sure the right job will come along...patience is a virtue, right? But for now, I will continue to explore independently and keep on pushing towards my goals.

Finding My Voice

2011-06-02T15:23:00.001-07:00

This year has been such a journey for me. I feel that I have finally begun to find my voice. For so long I have felt that to have a good voice, I needed to sing loud and super high. I don't know where this theory came from, but I should have listened to one of my first voice teachers who said, "Stop singing so loud! Don't sing like you are better than me!", in a Russian accent!

Maybe it stemmed from being the youngest in my family and wanting everyone to pay attention to me or from hearing all the belters on Broadway. Wherever it was from, I felt it was the best and only way to sing.

Upon graduating from Westminster Choir College, I discovered that musical theater was not in my heart and my ultimate passion. I had another voice inside wanting to come out to the world, a voice that was more me. Someone really helped me to discover that and I will always be thankful for how he helped me on this journey of becoming a singer/songwriter.

I realized that I could collaborate really well with other people, and started working on hip hop hooks for guys, acoustic sounds, etc. Then as fate would have it, I met an amazing drummer and bass guitarist who tried me out as a singer on some of their songs. They had me do a few covers and told me I had a great voice and so much confidence. The weird part about it all was that I really didn't have confidence before with my singing, but with them my voice was free and felt so right. I started working with them more and more and writing lyrics and melodies to their songs. They noticed that my voice sounded much better, the softer it was. We soon added another guitarist and now we are a band.

Recently, I started taking voice lessons from such an amazing person. I feel that he is not only my voice teacher, but a mentor as well. His name is Steven Judkins (http://www.stevejudkins.com/site/index.html) and he is currently in Sleeping Beauty Wakes at the McCarter Theater in Princeton, NJ. He is originally from Australia and has performed in London, as well as in the U.S., on Broadway tours, in a band, as a session singer, and on television. He has really helped me to find my little voice and I notice each day all of the tips he has told me and how to apply them now to everything I am doing, whether it is singing to infants or performing with my band. He is so talented, yet so humble. It is amazing how people can help you to see things you never could have realized on your own.

I feel thankful for all of the people that have come into my life recently and the journey my voice is on. It is a hard journey, but I am ready for the challenge to be true to the voice within me and am excited to see where my voice will lead in my life.

"Take what you want

Steal my pride

Build me up

Or cut me down to size

Shut me out

But i'll just scream

Im only one voice in a million

But you aint taking that from me

Oh oh no you aint taking that from me x 4

'cuz when it all boils down

At the end of the day

It's what you do and say

That makes you who you are

Makes you think about it

Think about it

Doesn't it

Sometimes all it takes is one voice"

-Natasha Bedingfield

24 years old

2011-05-08T18:48:00.000-07:00

Today I turned 24. It is hard to believe I have already lived on this earth twenty-four years. Time flies. I have already learned so much and each day I am hungry for more knowledge.

On Friday, I told my hairdresser it was my birthday and she blow-dried my hair for free and Quiznos gave me a free dessert. I felt excited for the free stuff and what adventures my weekend would bring.

This weekend was beautiful to me. I first went to NYC early Saturday morning to go to the SELF-magazine’s fitness day in central park. The money for the tickets went to support breast cancer and I went to the event with two of my best friends. It was so fun to be outside and doing all different workouts-90s hip hop dancing, kick boxing, abs workouts, Indian dancing, etc. We even received free snacks and beauty products. To be in nature on a beautiful day was amazing. It was really special to me to be with two friends who have seen me through my ages and still are a big part of my life.

I then met up with more of my friends for dinner at a Greek restaurant. I really love Mediterranean food and thought that would be a great place to go to get real food from the earth. It was fun to laugh and chat with them and just be in their presence.

I then went to the empire rooftop hotel with my friend. It was this fancy rooftop lounge/club. We sat at a table next to models from America’s next top model who were drinking champagne and saw many wealthy businessmen. We didn’t let any of that phase us though and laughed and danced and had a great time and watched as guys came over to us trying to join in our fun. One guy told me I had such a great disposition. He said I seemed to only spread good energy. Another told me I had a magnetic energy and beautiful smile and another told me he could tell I was a really outgoing person and a really good person. One said it was refreshing to see that and that separated me from every girl there. I found it amazing how I could be surrounded by some of the most gorgeous girls and wealthiest people and people still be drawn to me.

That brings me to what I know of this life now. Being in that club may seem “special” to someone but to me, the special part was being with my friend, being able to observe it all, being content with who I am. I’ve realized money, fame, beauty are not what makes you happy. It is connecting with people, with life, with nature, with all that you are and bringing all you have to the world.

Today didn’t really feel like my birthday because I didn’t have a cake. It sounds silly but birthdays and cake symbolize birthday to me. So before I went on the train to go back to New Jersey, I stopped into a café in Penn Station. The guy working there said a big hello to me and watched as I gazed at what they had to sell. He asked if I wanted something sweet. I said that I should because it’s my birthday but I didn’t know. All of a sudden everyone started saying happy birthday to me and that I had to get something and it would be free. They had the most amazing cupcakes and slices of cake and I picked out a gorgeous cupcake and they gave it to me for free. I thanked them immensely for making my birthday complete!

The sweetest part is that I have found that life is as sweet as you make it. I planned my birthday with all that I wanted to do. I give to the world because I have love in my heart to give and to share and I find that love returns to me in the oddest of places. I have learned you can’t depend on everyone else and have to decide what you want and go all for it! Here’s hoping 24 brings me even more joy, peace, love, wisdom, and adventure.

How People affect us

2011-04-18T12:54:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been really, really focused. I have been working a lot, working out a lot, eating right, working on music a lot and spending more time with friends. I have become really happy with who I am and what I possess inside.

Today I realized something. I realized that people can affect us in huge ways. Sometimes we are content with ourselves and our life path and someone says something that shakes us up a bit. I noticed this a lot recently and realized that we have the power to react and get angry or take it with a grain of salt.

Today, I was at working out hard at the gym, doing strength training, when I saw a lady keep watching me. I thought maybe I had taken the bench she was going to use, so I asked her if she needed it and she said no. She then watched me do my triceps, which I knew I was doing right. She says "How are you doing those triceps?" I showed her and she goes you might want to do it like this. I then said, "Oh actually you're not supposed to do that." She then said "Yeah, you are." After being certified as a personal trainer a few years back, I clearly knew she was wrong but I continued on and didn't argue it. She then looked at me and said, "Isn't it amazing how some women have perfectly toned arms and some just can never get that?" Wow...here I was doing my thing, trying to get what I feel are toned arms and she is throwing negativity my way. I smiled and continued on, but felt bad for a moment. Suddenly, I noticed every flaw on my body. Sadness started to well up inside but then I took a breath and said to myself, "What are you doing? You don't know her and she probably has her own insecurities."

I have noticed this a lot. Women like to pick on other women. I think women cause a lot of self consciousness in other women and I wish this could be turned around. Men look at a women and go, "She's hot" or "eh" and women look at each other and scrutinize every flaw.

Women go to the gym hoping to achieve this thin perfect body but yet, whose it for? If you read any article, men want a women with curves. Here is a good one... http://www.handbag.com/relationship/sex/what-men-love-about-womens-bodies-50564

I feel that people have so many insecurities that they like to compare themselves and that's when women attack other women. I think if we come together and love ourselves for the body, the life, the successes and failures we have, we could all be more at peace.

Choices

2011-04-02T08:05:00.000-07:00

It is Saturday morning and I just woke up and am about to start this blog. I haven't written a blog in such a long time. I am always thinking of great ideas that I want to write down, but at the end of the day, sleep sucks me in first.

Lately, I have started thinking about choices. We make so many choices every day of our lives. I am choosing to write this blog before having my morning coffee. We choose who we want to spend time with, if we want to work out, what we want to eat, movies we want to watch etc.

It amazes me that we could choose a whole different set of choices that may really effect our lives differently.

Going to an all girls catholic school and being raised catholic has definitely made me make moral choices and feel the pang of guilt if I make a wrong one.

Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice with jobs I have chosen and what I went to college for, etc.

Recently, I found that all of my choices have come full circle. I realized how much of an asset I am to people, without even realizing it. Every job I have had, no matter how different has connected me to another one and another opportunity.

Last weekend I was an extra in a feature film called Future Folk. Dee Snyder was in it. I was really focused on set and also was able to network with many people. The patience that I had on set came from so many other areas of my life where I had to use extreme patience. I babysit many kids and find that as I babysit, I teach them acting and singing. I wouldn't have that power without my schooling, entertainment jobs, and teaching jobs.

Sometimes I think I stretch myself too thin, but other times I feel exhilarated by being able to do so many things with all the skills I have developed. I believe anything is possible and we have the power to choose.

Choose life, choose happiness, choose to expand your mind and never loose the sense of play like a child and your life will grow in beauty.

You can do it!

2011-03-11T09:53:00.000-08:00

It is amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it! Recently, I decided that I wanted to learn an instrument because I need accompaniment to my voice when I sing. I know how to play piano, but not well enough to improvise chords behind songs I write. I decided guitar might be the best instrument to start with. I spent one night trying to learn the chords to Jason Mraz' hit song, "I'm Yours." I ended up getting down the chords, but my fingers killed the next day because of the steel strings. I then remembered that a good friend of mine, Angelo Chianese, had told me that he would teach me how to play the Ukulele some day. Angelo has a singing telegram company and he performs ukulele, as he sings. I worked for him as a singing telegram for a party, but without the lovely sound of the ukulele and I was ready to learn.

Last week, he was nice enough to take the time out of his day and give me a one hour lesson on this beautiful instrument. He explained to me that Ukulele means "Jumping Flea" in the Hawaiian language. He taught me how to strum with different rhythms and how to play "You are my Sunshine" I fell in love with the instrument and have been playing it every morning. I am most likely annoying my roomates, but I hope to learn many songs because the sound is so happy and uplifting. Angelo has definitely been a ray of sunshine and an angel to my life and there is a great article that was written about him that you all must read here...

http://calipercompetitiveedge.calipercorp.com/?p=406

A hui hou (Until we meet again)
Nicole

Find your own Fun

2011-02-26T05:56:00.000-08:00

I have realized that I am the type of person that always needs to have fun. Kids often complain, "This isn't fun!" when it comes to homework or long drives but for me, all the stuff that isn't fun, I try to make fun or get the most out of.

I became really focused these past weeks and although I kind of stretched myself thin, I had fun in the process. Last weekend, I choreographed an Indian dance, did a scene as a zombie, and a parody of Christina Aguilera's National Anthem for the TV show, Zombie Etiquette, which is filmed here in Princeton. It was a lot of work preparing for the show, but once we began filming, it was so much fun. I was able to meet some really great people in the process too. Fashion Designer for Project Runway, Pamela Ptak, was on set, as well as models and actors. It was really great to be immersed by people who love to entertain and create something.

On Saturday night, I went to an Indie night at the Paul Robeson Arts Center with my roommate and watched amazingly talented musicians and singers perform. It was only five dollars and we were able to get so much out of it. I was able to meet the performers after the show and was really inspired by them. I actually wrote five songs after the show. It was hosted by Sarah Donner and had performers such as Avi Wisnia, Gillian Grassie, and Miracles of Modern Science. It made me realize how music truly feeds my soul and is such a part of who I am. It can express so much and touch a world of people. It is its own language that can reach anyone.

On Sunday, I had an audition at Drexel University in Pennsylvania for a small student film. I didn't want to go all the way out there just for the audition, so my roomate and I went early and explored Philadelphia. We went to the Reading Terminal Market (http://www.readingterminalmarket.org/), which was so nice. We ended up having Middle Eastern food there. We then went to all different stores and just walked around. It was a great day and we improvised songs to pass the time during our long car ride home.

This week, I also decided to enter a contest that my mother had suggested I enter. It was for The Folger's Jingle Contest. My roomate and I decided to enter together, so we stayed up late coming up with ideas of how to express, "The Best Part of Waking Up is Folgers in Your Cup." We ended up coming up with a cool idea, but when we looked at last year's entries, we noticed that they were really professional and recorded on real film. I decided to call director, John Cafaro, whose independent films I was in and asked him if he could film us. He was so excited by the idea, so we went to his house from 3:30pm till 10:30pm and filmed on Thursday. It was such a long period of time, but we were able to bounce off of each other's energies and get really creative. We had many bloopers in the process, that cracked us up. I am so excited to see the results of our work and to be a part of this contest. I am so lucky to know great people to collaborate with towards a common goal and have fun in the process.

All of the things I did required work, and those are aside from my day jobs, but I always make sure I have fun. I think you can make anything fun. It just requires some creativity from time to time. I am looking forward to what other fun adventures will occur in my life and who I will be connected to in the process. Make sure you have fun today and find your own fun.

Two Horses

2011-02-25T06:08:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine just sent this Forward to me and I had to post it...

Two Horses

Author Unknown

Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it.

From a distance, each horse looks like any other horse.

But if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing...

Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him.

This alone is amazing. If you stand nearby and listen, you will hear the sound of a bell. Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field.

Attached to the horse's halter is a small bell. It lets the blind friend know where the other horse is, so he can follow.

As you stand and watch these two friends, you'll see that the horse with the bell is always checking on the blind horse, and that the blind horse will listen for the bell and then slowly walk to where the other horse is, trusting that he will not be led astray.

When the horse with the bell returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, it stops occasionally and looks back,

Making sure that the blind friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell.

Like the owners of these two horses, God does not throw us away just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges.

He watches over us and even brings others into our lives

To help us when we are in need..

Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of those who God places in our lives.

Other times we are the guide horse, helping others to find their way....

Good friends are like that... You may not always see them, but you know they are always there..

Please listen for my bell and I'll listen for yours, and remember...

Be kinder than necessary-

Everyone you meet is fighting

Some kind of battle.

Live simply,

Love generously,

Care deeply,

Speak kindly........

And leave the rest to God!

People

2011-02-13T15:39:00.001-08:00

People are so interesting. Everyday I am amazed by them. Today a friend of mine told me that I had a gift, the actual need to want to help people. I forget that sometimes, that it is a gift.

It is hard for some people to understand this about me and even for myself to understand sometimes, but I actually feel happiest when I am making someone else smile.

I realized that for a while, I had been looking for a man to make me smile. But I recently realized that the person that makes me smile most is me. I have to be my own best friend and then I can truly smile. I have so many things that I am passionate about and love---people, music, acting, teaching, dancing, working out, writing, songwriting, etc. I need to do those things to be happy, so until the person recognizes me as loving all those things and only wanting to add to that, I don’t need a random guy to hinder those loves.

Today I went to New York and I took the time to really observe people. It was amazing how so many people were so uninhibited. I saw street performers dancing on the subway, a guy playing guitar and ukulele and singing while people waited to board the train, a girl singing to her ipod while studying her reflection in the window on the subway, etc.

I was confused about the subway and instantly befriended two men who helped me to understand what to do to get to where I needed to go. One man was very friendly and had an accent. He was from Alabama and was visiting to see if he could get a job to pursue his dream of doing architecture.

I always have to be sneaky about observing people on the subway, but I find people so fascinating. I don’t know why. I hope I never lose my ability to connect with people and I hope God continues to send people into my life to teach me new lessons.

Work like you MEAN it!

2011-02-05T11:07:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was probably my longest day of work, ever. At the start of the morning, I had hardly any sleep and did not know how I would get through the day. I guess for a moment I thought, Woe is me.

I woke up at 6am, got ready and got to my first job at 8:30am. I have always found though, that if you put happiness and energy into your work, it goes by faster and you get more out of it. I put my all into it and made many children laugh and smile, as I taught them music. I was exhausted though, so I went to Starbucks to get a coffee. While I was there, a barista saw my shirt and asked me what I do for work. I told him I taught music throughout NJ, but was teaching in this town, just for today. He soon introduced me to another barista, who got a degree in teaching music but was working at Starbucks. He talked to me for a little while and asked if my job was hiring. It was so interesting to me to see this young man putting so much happiness and energy into making coffee for people, but to know he had even more knowledge than me with music.

I then went to the grocery store to pick up some groceries. While I was there, impatiently waiting for it to be my turn to ring up my items, I noticed a woman in my line yelling at the cashier. His hands were trembling, as he counted the change. She made him feel so stupid and he had tears in his eyes. He was just my age and it killed me to see that. When I rung up my stuff, I smiled and made sure to ask how he was and be friendly. It tore my heart to see that he was just trying and this lady brought him down. Maybe being a cashier isn't his forte, but I am sure many other things are. As I was leaving, I noticed a lady who was putting food on the shelves was actually a lady who used to clean the bathrooms at my college. I used to say hi to her every morning. It amazed me that she also worked at shoprite.

When I got home, I spent the day writing out a three hour lesson for the older kids that I teach acting to. I then went and taught acting till 8pm. I had another job to go to but the parents of the children I taught were talking to me and asking about their kids. Even though I felt stressed and nervous about being late to the next job, I listened intently and gave them honest feedback about their children.

I then went to babysit from 8:30pm till 11:30pm for a family whom I had never babysat before. The kids were amazing and so fun to babysit. I taught them some fun acting stuff and we watched a movie and it was great.

People say to me, how can you work so much? I can because I love what I do. I can because I have a dream. I can because I feel so lucky that God has sent the right people in my life and given me amazing opportunities. I can because I want to make people smile and feel that my jobs allow me to do that. At the end of the day though, looking at the people I encountered, I don't feel that I have it bad at all or work any harder than others.

As I fall asleep in bed, I analyze my hopes and dreams and always think, how can I work harder, what can I do more of? I was blessed with amazing parents who would help me with anything, but I want to survive on my own and take responsibility for my life. I've learned money doesn't grow on trees, but I have also learned, you should never put yourself in a job where you aren't gaining any knowledge or happiness from it.

Life has made me look at jobs in a whole new way. I think growing up, I just thought people were like mannequins, just posted in a position at a job, like it was their home. Now I realize people have lives and work hard every day, even if it seems to be the smallest job. I think it is so important to acknowledge the people at jobs as people, because we are all just trying to survive in this big, big world.

“Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work.” Stephen King

“What we really want to do is what we are really meant to do. When we do what we are meant to do, money comes to us, doors open for us, we feel useful, and the work we do feels like play to us.”

Julia Cameron

“Work while it is called today, for you know not how much you will be hindered tomorrow. One today is worth two tomorrow's; never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today.”Benjamin Franklin

“The harder I work the more I live."
George Bernard Shaw

“Find something you love to do and you'll never have to work a day in your life”

Harvey MacKay

Make a Friend

2011-01-23T19:42:00.000-08:00

As I grow older, I find that sometimes it is hard to "make a friend", as my dad used to always tell me to do growing up. Yes, you can "friend" someone on facebook or say hello to someone and smile, but to truly "make a friend" gets harder.

It used to be as simple as passing a note to a friend in class and writing, "Want to sit with me at lunch today?" or studying with someone for a test and getting to know each other.

But I've realized in the real world, people have their guard up, people judge, people are busy, and people are focused on other things at times and this prevents a bond of friendship.

I always smile, even when I am not in the best mood because I like people to feel comfortable around me, to feel welcome in my presence. At times it seems that no one notices, but at other times, it seems that the whole world notices.

When I go to the gym, I am really focused. I do my thing and normally leave and don't think people notice me. I smile and talk with the trainers, but no one else. I have wanted to know people at the gym, but it just hasn't happened.

This week, that all changed though. I was working out and a guy commented on my form and how good I was at working out. He gave me some tips on what I could do better and he told me that he always sees how hard I work in the gym and has always wanted to talk to me, but was too afraid to. This shocked me so much. That same day I asked a girl in the locker room if it was snowing out and we ended up talking for a while and soon other women in the locker room joined in the conversation and we ended the convo saying see you tomorrow. I was shocked...did I just make two more friends?

The other day I went into the bank and all the people in the bank were like, "Hey, Hey Nicole, what is new? How is singing?"...Had these tellers become my friends? I then went to fruity yogurt and the girl there said, "Nicole! I haven't seen you in forever. I was in Thailand but I am back now. "How is working with the kids? I can't wait to see more of your pictures on facebook. I love seeing your silly clown ones!" Here, I had another friend.

I was nannying the other night and the other nanny was coming over to nanny after me and I took some time to talk to her. We ended up chatting for a while and she said, "I have to give you a hug" as I was leaving. I was in shock, yet again.

Maybe everyone in the world is truly looking to connect with more people and "make a friend" but they are scared to take that step, to say a few words, to send out a compliment, or to merely smile. I know I will always want to make friends and I hope that our technology filled world does not stop the existence of social face to face interaction because I think it is imperative to the happiness of this world.
So if you want to be my friend, my door is always open and I hope that yours is too...

Creativity

2011-01-16T19:37:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I feel that I am too much of a kid, immature, or should have grown up and should be more adult. I make silly faces, silly noises, sing randomly, will start dancing just waiting for the subway and do silly accents. I work with children all the time and I don't care if I act goofy at times.

Last night, I was reminded that that is really okay and that I never want to lose that. I went to the Paul Robeson Arts Center in Princeton, NJ for Indie Music night. They had all different Indie bands that singer-songwriter Sarah Donner invited. The performers were Keith Hartman, Copasetic, Kohli Calhoun and Dinner.

The first performer was a quiet soul who played guitar, sang and played the harmonica beautifully. The second group of performers played interesting instruments and with so much emotion. The third performer was a woman who shared heartfelt deep lyrics and played the ukulele and sang with such a fun spirit. The last group was a group of older men who just had fun with the music and sang in different languages and about random topics and with the spirit of a child inside.

When you are a child, you have so much creativity and you don't censor anything. I love to feel free to be me and when you are a child you have access to that at playtime and at recess and I guess I have kept that inside me and that is how I access my creativity. When I teach children everyday, I love that they show me with their eyes what they really feel, without monitoring it.

I am a singer. I am an actress. I am an entertainer. I am me and now I've learned its okay to act like a kid and be a grown up at the same time!

“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”

Vacation Relaxation

2011-01-09T05:35:00.000-08:00

I have been vacationing in St. Kitts for a week and tomorrow is my last day. This trip has definitely been different than past trips. I feel as though I opened my eyes to new things this time. I am now twenty-three and in the working world. I feel that I have so much on my mind sometimes and that I am always thinking towards the future.

When I arrived, it was really hard to clear my mind and just relax. I went to the gym in the morning, did all of the activities, read books, etc. As the days went by though, I felt more relaxed, and even a bit lazy. I skimped on the gym, ate whatever I wanted, drank, and danced randomly.
I guess I realized on this trip, that the key to everything is moderation. Too much pleasure is not the answer. It was so nice to let go of everything for a week, but now I find myself craving healthy foods, fitness, and work. I think that everyone needs mini breaks and indulgences in their life to refresh their mind and to know yourself and your needs.

The culture here is very different and people don’t share a lot of the same views that I do here. This taught me that it is so so so important to know yourself. I truly believe if you get to know yourself, you can get through so much. You can be strong in your moments of weakness and press on through difficulties.

It is a new year, 2011 and I feel ready to take on new goals and challenges for this year. I am now filled with sunshine and a new outlook on my life and a fresh attitude, thanks to St. Kitts and am excited to see what the future brings with moderation.

Cultured through a screen

2010-12-14T09:45:00.001-08:00

My dream is to travel the world. I want to know about other cultures, places, and people. Unfortunately, life cannot just stop and I do not have the money to do that, but someday I hope to see more of the world. Last night, I got to experience a little taste of England.

It was about 1:00 am and I wasn’t ready to sleep just yet and so I decided to go on the website chatroulette.com. It is a site where you can talk to random people through video. It has a bad reputation, as some people use the site for the wrong reasons, but if you are lucky enough, sometimes you meet some pretty cool people.

As I clicked through, I saw these two boys. They seemed to be dressed nice and had smiles on their faces. We began to chat and that chat turned into about 2 hours. They were from London and had just pulled an all nighter, writing a 2,000-page paper for physiology class. They said they had class in 2 hours and so they wanted to just stay up. They showed me their huge books that they had to read and they told me about their hopes and dreams and all about London. One of them was a gymnast and is going to be on Britain’s Got Talent soon, the other one loved football. They both play soccer and want to be soccer coaches. They showed me music that they liked from London, I looked at pictures on Google of their favorite areas, and we had such a great conversation. They were so excited to know about America, while I was so excited to know about England.

At one point, we got disconnected from chatroulette, but luckily had got each others’ facebook names and so we chatted on there and then skyped.

They watched my youtube videos and clapped for me. This was a huge compliment since London has the best musical theater. They laughed at some of my funnier videos and it was so cool to see them watch my stuff.

At about 3am, I decided it was time to go to sleep, but I felt such a zest for life and so cultured talking with them and felt that I had a chance to experience the world all while in my desk chair. It was like we were best friends by the time I got off. So maybe Chatroulette isn’t so bad after all. I feel lucky to have met these two guys and have been so cultured.

Inspiration

2010-11-29T19:33:00.000-08:00

It is amazing how people can truly inspire us. You never know where inspiration will come from in your life, but I think the key to being inspired is being open to everything and everyone, as long as you feel safe. This past week, I have found a lot of inspiration.

I went home for Thanksgiving and felt inspired by the love that surrounded me. My mom and dad, my aunt Marilyn and my Aunt Barbara and Dee, my brothers and their wife and fiancée, my cousin were all together for the holiday. It was just so great to be together in one place, sharing an amazing meal and conversation.

My next inspiration was my friends. I have been friends with them for years and they are still there for me and ready to have fun and share advice and their time. It was great to be able to spend time with them. It means so much to me when people give up their time to spend time with me. I also went out to the bars before the holiday and ran into a bunch of people from my past and they were so supportive and we had amazing conversations.

My friend Tim took the time to have coffee with me and really shared some amazing stuff with me that helped me a lot with my own life as well.

Today I met with a person who I have looked up to for a long time in my life, Derek James. He performs in New York and has such an incredible sound. His music can instantly bring you out of a bad mood and makes you feel so happy. I first saw him perform when I was in college. He came to my college and happened to perform with a band he was not a part of. His music captured my soul that day and definitely got me out of some stressful moods, while I was studying music. I used to go to his concerts when he performed on the weekends in New York and just hearing his music, would take me on a mini vacation away from the stressful college life. All I wanted to do was perform and make people smile and that is exactly what he was doing. Today, years later, I had the privilege of meeting him for lunch to discuss the music industry, lyrics, song writing and our life journeys to music. He inspired me so much and now I can’t wait to work on more music and hopefully someday get to where he is.

His music can be seen here... http://www.myspace.com/derekjamesmusic/music

I think sometimes in life, we stress too much about the negative people, the people that bring us down, instead of seeking out the positive people, who just might have the right thing to say to you at the right time. Where are you searching for your inspiration?

Conversation with a Stranger

2010-11-24T13:57:00.000-08:00

Life is pretty amazing. I always seem to find answers that I need in my life through people. Last night I got about 4 hours of sleep because I had to wake up super early this morning to go home to Connecticut. I decided to walk to the bus and take that to NY, even though it was a 2-hour ride. I walked so fast to get to the bus, thinking that I would be late. As the bus driver pulled in, he looked at me and let me pass in front of him and I kept on walking, not knowing that that was the bus I was about to get on. I hadn’t had any coffee yet and I definitely need my coffee in the morning, so I rushed into the store and my friend was working. I told her, “I need coffee fast, I have to catch the bus!” Then I noticed that the bus driver was actually behind me in line getting coffee too. I waited outside to get on and I asked him if I was getting on the right bus to go to New York. He had an accent and such a warm smile and said he was shocked that someone was actually getting on the bus to go to NY from this stop. When I got on the bus, he asked if I spoke French. I said that I knew a little actually because my ex boyfriend spoke it and was from Senegal, Africa. He was in shock and told me how he was from West Africa himself and French was his main language. He said I was so beautiful and he said to save my bus ticket and use it for another trip. It was just he and I on the bus for a while, so we kept talking about Africa and then more people came on. He told me that I had to sit in the front next to him because it would make him so happy and he would love to talk and the ride was going to be really long. We passed the time so fast-talking about Africa and life and people and God. It was an amazing conversation. He gave me a piece of gum and I asked him if he was going to have Turkey for Thanksgiving. He said maybe he would buy one tonight. I remembered that ShopRite gave me a free turkey and so I gave him the receipt for it. I told him that I was nervous about making the next train in time from Grand Central to New Haven. He told me to wait for everyone to get off the bus and then he walked me to a taxi and paid for a taxi to take me to grand central. In the car ride, he told me to remember that God only wants me to be happy in life and when things are stressful or hard, you cannot force them. That is God’s sign that it isn’t for you and if you push things that aren’t right, life will be very hard. He explained how he should be back in Africa, for everything that has happened in his life, but he is still here, so he knows that God wants him here. He gave me a hug goodbye and said God Bless and to say hi to my family from him. It was one of the most amazing conversations I’ve had in a while and it was so nice to just relax and look outside as the sun shined through my window. I think people come in and out of our lives for a reason though and I am thankful for today.

MANDY

2010-11-19T14:35:00.000-08:00

My dog Mandy just passed away a few days ago. I have been here in New Jersey, so I didn’t get to say goodbye. I know how much I loved her as a child though. As I grew older, I seemed to get caught up in my world and so I didn’t spend as much time with her and I ignored her. She helped me through a lot though. She listened to me sing probably more than anyone, in my kitchen, while I practiced. She knew when I was sad and always seemed to lick my hand right then. She sensed when I was dating a bad guy because she had a comfort with some people, rather than others. She kept me active, wanting me to play tug o war with her mini rope and running around with her toys. She taught me to step outside more, even when I’d rather play inside, walking outside to take her for a walk reminded me of the beauty of nature. She also was my twin…the only one in my family who had my blonde hair and brown eyes. I will miss her and always know she added to my life in many ways. It is amazing how even a pet can add so much to one’s life.

Staying Young

2010-11-19T08:04:00.000-08:00

I have realized that I love innocence. It is funny how as we grow up, we always want to seem older than we are. We always want to be able to watch the rated R movie at a young age, or be tall enough to go on the roller coaster, old enough to buy a lottery ticket, or buy alcohol. It is funny to me how when we are young, we don’t realize how good we really have it. As I grow older, I miss my youth.

Everyday I work with children, teaching them music and theater and it is amazing to see them first hand discovering the world. I can’t help but laugh at things they say and I wonder how many people I made laugh with random comments as a child. I said to the class “How are you?” and one boy replied, “I’m great!” yet all of his friends thought he said, “I’m eight”, so they began telling me their ages…”I’m three, I’m four.”

After I am done teaching, I nanny for two young boys. I have been watching them for a year now and it is amazing to see them growing up so fast. One is in middle school now and things are quickly becoming uncool for him that he liked just a month ago.

Life is pretty amazing that way. It is amazing how fast we grow, how much we do, how the little things that bothered us don’t really matter after a while and how we realize what is important.

College seems so far away to me now. I feel like I am growing up so fast, but do not want to lose the child inside me. My jobs are keeping me youthful and I hope that I keep the kid inside me for the rest of my life.

You never Know who is falling in love with your SMILE

2010-11-14T07:24:00.000-08:00

My father always told me, when I was younger, never to turn down people if they asked me to dance. He said, "That could be the next Bill Gates," and you also never want to hurt people's feelings. I think I took what he said even further and opened my heart and smile to every person in my life and carry that with me especially when I perform.

Yesterday, my eyes were truly opened. I have been through a lot the past months and was getting hard on myself, feeling as if I wasn't accomplishing enough or doing enough. I was getting more self-conscious even. Someone told me yesterday, "I just have to tell you, that when you walk into a room, you instantly make me smile, even if I am in a bad mood or anything." "You have this special ability to do that." When I heard those words, a tear came to my eye...here me...who wasn't feeling in the best mood herself...was making others smile. His words made me realize a lot.

After that I worked as an entertainer for a sweet 16 party. I hyped up the crowd and led all the fun dances like the YMCA, Cha Cha Slide, Cupid Shuffle, Chicken Dance, Follow the Leader etc. and led fun games. This wasn't a typical sweet 16 party though. The kids had autism. They were some of the most beautiful people I have ever had a chance to meet. They were so happy and followed every move I made! They were soooo excited and full of life. The best part was when they would whisper into my ear, "I'm having so much fun" and when they gave me a huge hug at the end and said Thank you! I danced with the birthday boy all night long and if I would go on to the next song and go on for a minute, he would want to dance with me again. It was so nice to see that his sweet 16 party was such a success. I worked with DJ AD and Richard Brown. We are the REMIX NETWORK and I think we created something really special last night.

This is what I love in life more than anything, using what God gave me to help others. Even if I am down or in a bad mood, helping people lifts me up. I hope that all my life, I can continue to share my talents to make my mark in people's lives. These kids opened my eyes to see life in a huge way and appreciate even the smallest things.

“Never frown, because you never know when someone is falling in love with your smile.”

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."

http://remixnetwork.wordpress.com/

Touch

2010-11-07T17:42:00.000-08:00

I realized something in my life recently. I realized how important “touch” is in life. I have been working with infants through Kindergarten, teaching them music and theater everyday, and every kid longs for a hug from me when my lessons are done. With the infants, I hold them and sing and move them and they smile. Think of how much touch you receive as a child and then as we grow, it becomes sparser, but yet we all need it. I do not mean sexual touch; I mean a truly lovely touch. A great hug, holding a hand, chaining a soul. When I came home this weekend, my mom scheduled a spa day for me. I got a massage and thought about how nice it was to have someone really try to take the pain away from my body. A hug from my parents and brothers felt so special to me. The thing I miss most about my ex boyfriend is that special touch as well, a touch of love, that not everyone can give you. In church we shake hands saying peace be with you and the touch is there as well. It is great to be independent and on your own, but I think everyone needs a comforting touch of some sort once in a while. How can you “touch” someone today?

Roommate

2010-10-21T19:21:00.000-07:00

I feel that sometimes God sends angels into our lives, especially when we need them most. My roommate Leah is definitely an angel to my life. I feel like we are sisters from other mothers sometimes. Sometimes you just meet someone in life who understands you and gets what you are about, without a need to explain, that is Leah. We became friends in college, when we were hanging out with friends we had in common. For some reason, I brought up the fact that I had gone to an all girls’ Catholic high school and she said she did too. I expressed different traits of the school and she kept saying that hers was the same way. We soon discovered that we both had gone to Mercy High School, but mine was in Connecticut and hers was in upstate New York. We soon realized we had more in common than that. We were both musical theater majors, but both had a passion for singing music other than show tunes and song writing. We soon became friends and then decided to try to be roommates this year. We’ve discovered that we both have two brothers, both are Italian, both are super close to our families, both are sarcastic, both have dated the same type of guy, and both had the same type of upbringing.

I tell ya, this month has been really rough for me, but having Leah as a roommate has been such a blessing. She lets me know that I’m okay and that she understands. She is a best friend, a roommate and practically a sister. I hope that everyone has someone in his or her life like that. It can be hard to feel all alone and on your own in life and I think God sends people into our lives to remind us that we are fine just the way we are.

Potential

2010-10-15T19:42:00.000-07:00

Life is funny. Sometimes I feel that I can do it all and other times in life, I don’t. Why do I lose that sense, I wonder? The boy I babysit hates to read and practice piano…but he is good…so why? I think sometimes we get bored with what we can do easily. We need challenges in our lives. I think sometimes we can do things “half-ass” that come easy to us or don’t seem like much work. That is why I think it is so important in life to never settle for less than your potential. Lately for me, I felt like I was in a trap of doing that. But recently, people have pointed out so many strengths that I have, that I have not realized or put on the back burner. I have realized that I can do a lot of realllly big things and need to just put in the time and effort and belief in myself and then I can get there. It’s amazing how easy it can be to settle for less than our worth, in many areas of our life. I’m worth a lot, I have realized now and am going to push myself to see how far I can go. What are you worth…are you using all that your worth towards an amazing life? Where should you be leaving your mark?

Age

2010-10-10T01:06:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is my Great Aunt’s birthday. She is in her 80s. I am not sure exactly of the age that she is turning, but it doesn’t matter. To me, you age in wisdom. Looks can look young as you age or old, but what you know grows. It’s pretty amazing when you think about it. 80 years of knowledge! At age 23, I am learning so much everyday. I can’t get enough of wisdom and knowledge, but I keep finding that I am impacted the most by other people’s experiences.

Yesterday, I was filmed in a TV show. I had to reenact a scene from the movie, Kick-Ass. It stars a female actress named Deborah Twiss. She plays a sexy teacher that a boy in her class fantasizes about. I got to meet her and make a parody out of that scene. They then interviewed her on the show. I had the chance to talk to her and she told me, “just enjoy the scene and have fun”. It was exactly the advice I needed. Too often I find myself worrying, instead of having fun in the moment. This scene was something new to me. I had to basically seduce my student. I got over the fact that this was something out of my comfort zone and got fully into character and had fun acting like a seductive, sexy, teacher. They then made me look as sexy as possible and put makeup all over me so that I would look like a zombie and could do another scene. A guy directed me in my scene and taught me a lot about camera angles. It was such a cool experience. It will air on Princeton public television and in 7 different states soon.

The cast and crew were mostly from New York and I tried to soak up as much knowledge as I could from everyone. One thing that I have realized is that artists (actors, singers, models, artists, film makers, etc.) can’t have regular jobs. They have to sacrifice the money to pursue what they want and keep their passion alive. I really like learning how others have balanced work and work towards their passion. This is what I have been going through, but have discovered ways to incorporate my passions into my day job as well.

Knowledge is power and I am ready to soak up more and more.

Teachers

2010-10-07T15:51:00.000-07:00

I never realized till recently, how much teachers influence our lives, how important they are, and how special they are.

I recently started teaching infants through kindergarten music and theater, and it has been such an amazing experience. I love watching the infants smile and hearing the funny things the kids have to say and I love when the children remember something that I taught in a previous lesson. It means my job was done well. The other day, I taught about masks and the children got really into the lesson. We talked about how Batman and Spiderman wear masks and how princesses wear beautiful dresses, which one can wear as a costume on Halloween. It was amazing because when I came back a week later to teach those same Preschool kids a new lesson, they all shouted…”Miss Nicole, look at our shirts!” Almost every kid had some superhero with a mask on or a Disney princess or an animal on their shirt. It was amazing how the lesson affected them that much and got them that eager to learn something new. They all said to me, “We really want to be on TV!” I told them, that they had to first work hard and pay attention in my class and then they would be able to have hopes of being on TV. It was so cool to be able to respond to them in positive, encouraging ways.

The other night, I also taught acting to a 45-year-old man. He is incredible. He got a bit part in an independent film and seeked me out and I started teaching him. Since then he has gotten in a commercial, another independent film and a play. It is amazing to watch him grow with his acting and be comfortable trying out different roles. I coached him for two hours the other night and saw amazing strides! I love seeing others succeed.

I wish I could go back and thank my teachers. Looking back, I always thought they were the bad guys, wanting me to do poorly, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. I think teachers want you to do the best that YOU can do and they give you the best that THEY have. They only discipline to make sure you learn and they feel a passion for the material that they are trying to express to you. I can remember the teachers who stood out in my life, the ones who inspired me. But I can also remember the teachers that I didn’t like and looking back, I can say if it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t have all the knowledge that I have.

I am excited to teach more people throughout life. It is a wonderful thing to be able to share something with someone else. I always say, learn from people because you can’t read every book and now more than ever, I think that it is so true.

Life is too short

2010-10-03T22:15:00.002-07:00

Life is too short and too precious to waste on negativity. I feel like I have learned that in the past 3 weeks. I find myself often striving for perfection. If you looked at me you would never think of me as a perfectionist and a lot of things I do are not like a typical perfectionist, so I have come up with a new word called a “strivonist”! A person who strives to do too much. That is me.

Now it can be a good thing, but for me, I needed to realize a lot. I was striving to do well in 2 jobs. One of these jobs, I have had for a year and while I gave it my 100%, sometimes that is not good enough to other people and it causes you to feel pressure to give more than you have to something that is not worth all that you have.

I juggle so many activities and friendships and relationships, but sometimes I strive too much to be it all at the mere age of 23.

Last night I worked at the Light the Night Walk. It is a walk for those who have suffered from Leukemia. I worked with all the teams of children on the walk by teaching then to dance to songs like cha cha slide, electric slide, the cupid shuffle, wipe out, etc and motivating the crowd. It felt so good to be doing something for a non-profit organization, to be putting in my time and effort for people who need it more than a typical job that is just for money. All of a sudden, all of my stresses and problems vanished when a young woman came up and told how she developed cancer at the age of 22. Just one year younger than the age I am now. She talked about how it came out of nowhere and actually went unnoticed for a while. She said it changed her life forever and talked about how much support and love she had around her and how she put up such a huge fight to battle it. She made it through and it made me realize how life is too short to stress yourself out with people or jobs that mean nothing in the end.

I am on a journey at this stage in my life, trying to figure out how I can do a job that incorporates all that I love. I have discovered that I love children and am really happy working at my new job teaching children, but I also want to be performing and doing film and singing more. I am a people person and need to be surrounded by people. I don’t want to just work to pay the bills. I want to grow and learn from every job and use all of my potential, but in this journey, I am letting go of my “strivection” and taking the time to explore new possibilities that will lead me to what I am really striving for.

Eyes of a Child

2010-09-26T21:17:00.000-07:00

Today I awoke to head to New York. I had a voice lesson in the city. I have had this book on my shelf for the longest time called “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle and decided to read it on the train. When I started reading it, it talked about being able to look at the world as if you were just born and seeing how amazing everything is. The next thing I know, a father put his 5 year old daughter in the seat next to me on the train. She first introduced herself to me, as Pearl. I told her that she had such a beautiful name and she said everyone tells her that. She then told me that she was a kid, but I knew that already. I was going to continue reading my book, but she suddenly pointed out the window and said…look how the water sparkles, isn’t that amazing? And then wow the clouds are so nice, I wish I was on an airplane and wow…I don’t need to wear a seatbelt on this train. She then turned to me and said your nails are so beautiful and your bracelet and your hair is really comfy…can I touch it? I said, of course! She then told me she had been to India and then wanted to tell me a secret…”my friend can’t spell yes,” I told her she should teach him, but she said that she could not spell yes, either. Suddenly, she asked me why I was going to New York. I told her that I had a voice lesson and she said, “Oh, I sing and have a beautiful voice.” I then asked her to sing her favorite song and she proudly sang Twinkle, Twinkle Little star. She asked me if I went to the gym and she said she loved to go to gym class. She then started looking outside and asking me what everything was and why everything was so dirty outside. She said people were not taking care of our earth. She said she thought the graffiti we passed by looked like Indian writing. She then said the trees looked like Christmas trees.

It was so amazing to me how much she could see outside. The same things that I have passed dozens of times on the train were shown to me in a whole new way by a 5 year old and I could see just what the book was talking about. I am excited to read on and see how much more newness I will see in everyday life.

Stress Less

2010-09-23T21:23:00.001-07:00

I can’t believe how much time has passed since I wrote a blog. I have been sort of overloading myself lately and didn’t give time to some of the more relaxing things in my life.

I just started a new job teaching children music and theater. I absolutely love it, but I have to wake up at 6:30am every morning and I am totally not used to that. I am determined to become a morning person again though. I go to bed at around 1am every night, so I definitely realized that that has to change fast.

I have been trying to squeeze so much in. Sometimes I feel that is what America has trained us to do. I can’t imagine the Italian laid back 2-hour coffee lifestyle here in America, but sometimes I wish it were that way.

So my days go like this now. I wake up and teach infants up to kindergarten theater and music, then go straight to the gym, then straight to nannying till about 7:30pm and then sometimes to improv rehearsal and on weekends voice lessons.

Yesterday I woke up feeling so sick, but had to babysit till 9:30pm, but I made it through the day in one piece. This week, I have realized that sometimes you just got to do what you got to do and the longer you stress, the more stressful it will be.
So last night I went to bed early, took some Nyquil and woke up feeling way more refreshed. I sacrificed my normal online time after work, but I think we need to make sacrifices in order to stay healthy.

Today as I hurried to the gym to work out, I felt myself zone into my music on the treadmill and took a break from the chaos. Finding that little moment of time to do that really calmed me.

So maybe there can’t be more than 24 hours in a day, and we really can’t slow down and must “burn the candle at both ends”, but maybe we can find our own little stress free zones within that!

This song really calms me…I hope it calms you too… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EyI4p0yjDQ

Eat Pray Love in a week

2010-09-08T20:27:00.000-07:00

Last week, I went home to Connecticut. I had the week off from work, so I went to visit my family and friends. My mom and I went and saw Eat Pray Love at the movies together. This time, I was able to see the Love part. It was funny because when I first watched the movie, I felt so emotional. My boyfriend and I had just broken up and I was still sad about it. This time, I watched it with a sense of wonder and awe of the world. My mom felt a lot from the movie too. I think that it is a very therapeutic movie!

I felt that my week in Connecticut took on many characteristics of the movie. In the movie, Julia Roberts wants to experience something beautiful and wants to marvel at something. She first does this in Italy through food. Now I am 100 percent Italian and my family is always prepared to give guests food, so when I went home, it was nearly impossible to watch people eat and follow my diet that I had been following. I took a temporary break (1 week won’t kill you!) I love ice cream in the summer…so of course I had some of that. I also went to a champagne bar with my friend Kim, out to a fancy Italian restaurant, Sushi with my friend Sean, a vegetarian restaurant with my friends Carolyn and Jenny, to a piano bar for drinks, out for pizza with my mom and dad, and ate at my grandmother’s 80^th birthday. I definitely had some good food and shared some great moments with friends and family. Sometimes food unites people.

As for prayer, I went to the beach a few times with friends and that is prayer to me. I feel that is where I hear God’s voice the most and feel serene and calm. I am always able to focus in on my thoughts and realize what direction my life should be heading.

Last but not least love. I did not fall in love on my trip to Connecticut, but I did move on from love. My boyfriend and I broke up this past month, and I was able to realize how fortunate I was to have such wonderful friends and family who show me love all the time. My friends and I also went to a couple clubs, where we danced with different people and just had fun. I feel lucky to have been immersed in love this week by my family. I miss them all the time, and even though I don’t see them, I know they are always thinking of me and it was just really nice to be with them for a week.

So now I am back in New Jersey, and as soon as I got off the train, I had work, went to the gym and the grocery store. It’s amazing how I could have one week of nothing but what I wanted to do and jump right back in to the grind. It feels good to be back in my routine though and I feel that I needed that week to refresh my mind, body, and soul, and prepare me for the year ahead!

Hard Work and Dedication

2010-08-25T19:01:00.000-07:00

As you know, if you have been reading my blog, I am on a diet and following a specific fitness routine. It has been a hard journey but I have lost many inches and about 12 pounds now. I go to the gym 5 days a week and do an hour of cardio and strength train 3 days a week and follow a diet of 6 small meals a day.

It has been stressful at times, trying to make all of my meals for the day in a hurry or not having an hour to fit in my day to get to the gym, or feeling tired and not wanting to work out, or following my diet when friends want to drink and eat out.

I have definitely messed up and not followed things to a T at times, but I have gotten right back on track after. I think that is the most important thing with any diet. It needs to become a lifestyle and that way when you eat ice cream or cookies or chips, you don’t overdo it and get right back to eating healthy. I have learned so much through all of this.

I am such a driven person, but I really didn’t think my body was capable of losing weight and getting in shape anymore, but this fitness plan proved me wrong. I now have more energy, love working out, and feel more confident.

Yesterday the most amazing thing happened…I hadn’t been to zhumba in a while and I went and all the ladies ran after me after class and were like “OMG you lost so much weight!!!” “What did you do?” Even the instructor said it, so it was really cool. I even gave out the fitness guy’s number to a couple people, so that they could work with him because I have never met him but he just tells me what to do through e-mails and coaching’s on the phone. If anyone reading wants his number, I would be glad to give it.

He has definitely been an angel to my life, but the craziest thing is that I did everything. He hasn’t been next to me yelling to work out or showing me what to do or watching what I eat. I did it with my own mind, body, and soul. I truly believe anything is possible now and am looking forward to getting into even better shape.

Learning

2010-08-19T15:17:00.000-07:00

Today I went to New York for a voice lesson and on the way there and on the way back, I read a book called The “Official” Grad Book. It is a book that I found on my bookshelf that my parents gave me when I graduated college in May of 2009. I had forgotten about it and although it has been over a year since I graduated, it had a lot of great advice and wisdom in it that rang true for today.

Here are some of the quotes that really resonated with me:

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” –E.E. Cummings

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, “I used everything You gave me.” –Erma Bombeck

“Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” –Judy Garland

“It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation.”-Herman Melville

“The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want and, if they can’t find them, make them.” –George Bernard Shaw

There were many others in the book too and it really inspired me on the train. All of a sudden when I looked up, this girl asked if she could sit with me. We started chatting and it turns out she was a model and going to do some modeling in NY. We talked about our hopes and dreams and it was really cool to hear about her world, as she was the same age as me. I love that. I love learning about people and learning their paths. It was so cool to see someone else following their dream. I hope that the majority of people in the world don’t lose site of their dreams or at least find a way to include a part of their dream into their life.

Own Best Friend

2010-08-18T20:11:00.000-07:00

"Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognized yourself as a friend."
— Elizabeth Gilbert
Today I had training for a new job that I just got teaching children music and theater. I first had to drive an hour away to the headquarters to sign all of the paperwork. After I finished signing everthing, I had some time to kill before I went to the next location for training. To my surprise, there was a movie theater in the hotel where their headquarters were. I decided to go to the movies...alone.

It was a weird moment, deciding to go alone, but I felt excited in a way. I had been wanting to see Eat, Pray, Love all week and my friends were all busy. As I purchased the ticket alone, I felt a feeling of almost freedom...was I actually going to the movies alone? I never thought I would do that. I walked into the theater and not a soul was there. Where would I sit...I kept changing seats, trying to have the perfect view, knowing no one was watching me anyways. As the movie began, I felt myself almost surrender to it. I didn't have to think about monitoring my emotions. I belly laughed, cried, smirked, stretched my legs out and relaxed. I realized I actually could watch with no inhibitions instead of worrying what a friend or date might thing of my "movie reactions". I truly reacted.

Lately I've realized that you have to be your own best friend all the time and really can't wait for people to create your own happiness. I am a go getter and like to do things and so if I have to do them alone, I have decided, I am going to do that...and whoever wants to come along for the ride...hop on board! :)

looking back

2010-08-17T20:20:00.000-07:00

Tonight I decided to look at an old notebook I have to check out what I used to write about. I am 23 years old and life seems to be moving so fast. Recently I ended two important things in my life and am moving on and changing my direction...sometimes when you decide on something, you can second guess yourself, but then sometimes something can remind you that everything is going to be okay. I came across something I wrote when I was 20 and it was amazing because it rang true for today and really put things into perspective...I'd like to share it here...

"Water fills my mind, body, and soul
energizes me for the day
fills me up and I feel full
of a life that is gonna go my way

I run to release my stress and fears
I think of all I've seen
Suddenly I'm feeling tears
a reflection stares at me in the tv screen

hard work, passion, and dedication
heartbreaks, lost friends, and far away love
but through it I kept my ambition
I know someone is watching me above

I still see the beauty around me
even though things don't seem right
people don't see what I see
but I'm not gonna lose sight

everything happens for a reason
and my glass aint empty
right now it's my favorite season
and I'm going to be twenty
so I'm gonna smile all I can
follow my own path
just like God's plan."
-Nicole D'Onofrio

It's a Mind Thing

2010-08-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

Last week, my friend Jenny came to visit me from Connecticut. It was really nice to be with her for a week, but I wasn't on vacation, so I had to work, still go to the gym, and fit in fun stuff to do. I decided to have Jenny come to the gym with me.

When I arrived, I realized that I didn't have my ipod with me. I freaked out and told Jenny that I'd never be able to get through my workout without it. Not only that but there were only 2 treadmills left and one of the tv's was broken on one. Jenny wanted to watch tv, so I let her have that treadmill. I didn't know what to do but Jenny said I should just try it without the ipod, instead of driving all the way home.

At first it was really hard, but soon I was doing it with ease and because I didn't have headphones in my ears, the trainers and people at the gym kept on talking to me. I was so happy, when I was done and realized I was using my ipod as a crutch and giving it all the credit ha ha.

Another day, I only had 4 hours of sleep and really wanted to go to zhumba. I thought I'd be so tired to go, but I went and someone even said to me, you look so awake and refreshed. After that I went to work and then came back to the gym to do more of a workout.

It is crazy what you can do when you put your mind to it. So think big!

Everyday Angels

2010-07-29T19:26:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning tired, and moody. The sky was hazy and it started to rain. I went to the train station and sat down on a bench next to this lady and called my grandma. Just as I was saying goodbye and I love you to her, a lady said in a harsh tone, “Excuse me, can you move because I do not want to hear your conversation.” I moved quickly and felt sad.

I decided to get something to drink for the train ride and the guy working there, said you are looking so beautiful as he rang me up. Something so small but it made me smile.

I had a voice lesson in the city and on the way back, I decided to buy another drink for the ride back. The lady at the cash register said to me, “Is that your real hair?” I said yes and she said I mean the color. I said that I dye it now but it was blonde most of my life and it would be brown now. She was like “ahhhh well the reason I am asking is because the color looks so good on you!” Again, this made me smile.

I believe that life has little angels sometimes that remind us that we are doing okay or not to get down on ourselves. Two small comments, but to me they were big and were what I needed at those exact moments.

That is why I believe in honesty. Sometimes we shut out what we feel for a person because we are nervous as to how they will view us, but I think it is important to say what you feel and compliment. You never know how big of an effect it will have on a person.

Life Changes

2010-07-27T20:17:00.001-07:00

Sometimes life can make us feel stuck. That is what I felt was happening to me recently. I was doing too much at once and feeling overwhelmed and unsure of my direction.

Luckily, I was able to go to Florida and clear my mind. The beach is where I always seem to find the answers. I do not know what it is about it, but it gets me to a place where I can truly understand myself.

While I was there, I was reunited with old friends, as well as new. I felt my personality come back and felt free. I read a book while I was there, called “Think Big and Kick Ass” by Donald Trump. It inspired me to push for more and really dream big.

I believe that everything happens for a reason and every job, relationship, and obstacle teaches you. I don’t live with regrets, but I live with a sense of learning from everything. I realize sometimes some things have a limited stay and you can only give so much to them. I now know more of where my life needs to go and hope that I can continue to grow everyday with everything I do and that I can always hear what my heart is trying to tell me.

Surfers

2010-07-22T21:02:00.000-07:00

I am in Florida on vacation with my mother right now and have been observing all of the people and sites around me. The one thing that struck me the most this year was the surfers.

Maybe it is because I have been working out so much and fighting to work out even when I am tired but watching the surfers has really inspired me.

The other day, I just sat on the end of a jetty, watching about a dozen surfers. It was so cool to see their process of surfing. They would swim out on their board deep into the ocean and watching their arms paddle was even exhausting. Then they would wait patiently, which seemed like a good 15 minutes, for a good wave. Sometimes it looked like they were going to ride it, but then they would decide to let it pass by them.

The best part was when they finally caught a good wave. They looked so light on the board, as they balanced and swerved with the wave. It was amazing and I watched them for at least an hour, in awe.

To surf like that, they need energy, patience, stamina, and drive. A lot of work, but worth it for the thrill of the wave. It reminds me of our goals, a lot of work, but so worth it.

Never Give Up

2010-07-16T13:38:00.000-07:00

Alright, time for the update on my diet and exercise plan. It has been really hard to do and very tiring and I have had to put it before going out all night sometimes, but it has been so worth it. I lost about 9 pounds already and all my clothes are looser. I have had to eat lots of egg whites and veggies and whole grains and lean meats and combine cardio with strength training most days of the week. Sometimes I get extremely irritable or feel tired but other days I have so much energy. I thought nothing could work to make me lose weight, but I have gotten so many people asking if I have lost weight now, that it shows me anything is possible.

The saying Never Give Up is really true. The boy I babysit and I have been doing this thing everyday where we pick a number like 50 and try to volley nonstop with a ping pong ball, without messing up to see if we can do it that number of times. It can be frustrating and we can want to quit when we can’t reach the number, but when we stick it through, we do. Yesterday our number was 100 and guess what…we got to 120. That is what I am talking about…focus, concentration, and setting your mind on what you want, can lead you anywhere!

Patience

2010-07-13T21:44:00.000-07:00

The bible says patience is a virtue. More and more, I realize how hard it is to be patient. Everyone is into instant these days with text messaging and the Internet at our fingertips. Instant food with fast food and people want to see shorter videos on you tube. Watching the microwave cook oatmeal even seems long at times. Commercials make people antsy to see the rest of their show, and now you can tivo your shows and just forward through everything.

Yesterday I was at Six Flags Great Adventure and really realized how impatient people are. To go on a ride it could take anywhere from 1 to 2 hours. I have never heard so many people complain and swear in my life. It makes me mad sometimes because I think you have to find ways to deal with impatience and make use of that time. When I was on the rides, I had a blast and felt such a rush of excitement but as the ride pulled to a stop, I heard people say, "That ride sucked and was way too short" and "This should be with the kid’s rides." It was amazing how people were not satisfied by anything.

I think patience is a beautiful thing. I used to be really impatient, but I guess working as a princess with children changed me. If I weren’t patient, children would be so scared of me. Sometimes you have to roll with life’s punches. Don’t get me wrong, I get impatient a lot, especially waiting in traffic but that is when I turn up the music in my car and sing and move as if no one is watching. I get impatient waiting for a coffee but that is when I observe all that is around me. Maybe there is a reason that we have to wait for things sometimes. Don’t miss a moment. Embrace the time you have to wait.

Too busy

2010-07-07T22:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I find myself too busy. It is weird because if I am not busy, or do not need to be busy, I still make myself busy. I don't know why, but I do. It can be overwhelming at times though. Today, the boy I babysit couldn't find anything to do and felt bored. Hearing this brought me back to the countless baseball games that I went to as a child to see my brothers play. I would often get really bored, but always managed to find some adventure to embark upon at the games.
I guess I have kept that persistence inside of me. Lately the thing I find the hardest is balance. I work two jobs, teach acting, do independent films, work out, see my boy friend, visit my family, visit with other friends, take voice lessons, write songs, and audition. In all that busyness, I have been forgetting about my blog. I think of things that I want to touch upon but feel so tired that I cannot put them all down at the end of the day.

This weekend was so great! I went home and got to be with my family for fourth of July. It was so nice to just relax and not think about anything and watch fireworks and swim in the ocean. I think it is so important to have little breaks like that in life or else you will be too overwhelmed.

I am back in New Jersey now and back to the grind, but hopefully will make sure in all of my busyness that I stop and smell the roses once in a while.

I love the beach

2010-06-26T17:37:00.000-07:00

I absolutely love the beach. It is my favorite place in the whole world. I have been lucky enough to be at beaches in Connecticut, New Jersey, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Virginia, Florida, Aruba, Bahamas, Mexico, St. Thomas, St. Johns, Italy, St. Martin, St. Kitts, Curacao, Jamaica, New York, and Massachusettes.

It is such a calming place, and I always find inspiration there. I can clear my mind and just listen to the waves crashing or walk for hours, collecting seashells.

Because of my love of the beach, I wanted to make my bedroom in Princeton look like a beach.

My mom was kind enough to come down from Connecticut and help me. I put up some of her beautiful photographs that she took of sunsets and beaches in St. Kitts and Florida and also got some beach decorations.

After my room was complete, I felt so happy and stress free. I really think that it is so important to have a space to go to just to feel free and happy and to let go of the day and relax. Where is your place to just get away?

Oh, the places you'll go! as Dr. Seuss says

2010-06-25T12:29:00.000-07:00

Everyday I am learning more and more about the world and culture. It is amazing how if you wanted to, you could really never go outside of your culture. I have been privileged to really experience the world.

Today I was walking in New York and I was just noticing all of the people walking by me in such a hurry. All types of people, difference races, different ethnicities, thin people, fat people, average people, gay people, cross dressers, couples, people dressed to the nines, homeless people, all with a destination in mind. I felt a little overwhelmed. Normally I am rushing to get where I need to go, but today I did not have work and actually had time to breathe and just take it all in. I love to walk so I walked about 40 blocks.

Walking around really made me appreciate where I came from. I grew up in a small town in Connecticut by the river. I didn’t have a million people around and took joy in the simple things like watching a barge go by on the river and flashing lights at it (it is a signal to say hello), or watching dandelions curl in water, or building forts, or walking on the old railroad tracks. It took about 45 minutes to get to a mall from my house in Connecticut and 20 minutes to get to the movies and we couldn’t have food delivered to our house because there was no delivery. Where I grew up, there was not a Starbucks on every corner and everyone in the town knew each other pretty well. Connecticut is a beautiful place, but because of the distance that I live from New York, I could not stay there in order to continue my dreams.

For me, New York is nice to visit, but it can be a little too overwhelming and expensive. Everyone is trying to sell you something on the street and there are just so many people but there are great things there too and you can never run out of things to do.

I decided to stay in Princeton after college though because I love it and it is not too far from New York or Pennsylvania, which are both places that have things in the entertainment industry. In Princeton, I feel the beauty of a small town and know people, but yet see people from different cultures, can walk to different shoppes, and can get on the high way and have the mall, train station, parks, and restaurants right there.

My boyfriend is from Senegal, Africa., which is in north Africa. Just dating him, I have learned about his culture and how he was raised and the customs they follow there and foods they eat. I find it fascinating to see someone else’s world.

When I was in St. Kitts, it was so different. I noticed people weren’t so stressed and they lived on island time. I thought that was so cool.

One major thing I learned is that in New Jersey, people have never heard of the world grinder, and they refer to it as a hoagie.

What have you experienced in your life…have you exposed yourself to new ideas and cultures? If not, I bet your eyes will really open once you do.

Why do things happen

2010-06-21T22:15:00.000-07:00

Life is a mystery. It is true. My whole life, I have believed that everything happens for a reason and I hope that I never lose site of that. These past weeks some crazy things have been happening. It can be hard to understand why, but I have to trust that God has something else planned for me or that maybe I avoided something worse with what happened.

My car's engine light was on a few weeks ago and so I brought it to the car repair men to be fixed. They noticed a lot of things that were wrong and it cost a pretty penny to be fixed. A few days later, I was driving around all day as a Disney princess and on my way home, just a road away from my house, I got a flat tire. I couldn't believe it and was so tired and hungry and now had to wait an hour in my Cinderella costume in my car. People kept staring, and I sat there embarrassed, wondering why this had happened.

A couple days later, I brought it in to the shoppe to get a new tire put on and when I went to pick it up, they said my car wouldn't start and I needed a new battery and I was lucky that I had the flat tire because otherwise I would have been working and it wouldn't have started. It is crazy how stuff like that happens.

Today I was waiting for the subway in New York and this lady approached me, out of all the people standing there, and asked me what train would take her to her stop. I told her, and then she walked away but she looked so familiar so I said, "Wait!" I asked her if she was a voice teacher at Westminster Choir College. She said yes and I had told her that I actually graduated from there last year. It was so great because we ended up chatting and sat together on the subway. Such a small world but it goes back to everything happening for a reason.
There are definitely some things that happen that make no sense as to why or are really unexplainable, but I find that it is better to just know that there is a reason it happened, that we may just not know about.

Time to make a Change

2010-06-16T12:13:00.000-07:00

This is the hardest blog that I ever have written but I feel it is important to say and something that so many people can identify with. So here is my story, I used to be a little chubby and always working out but I loved to eat, so I ate without thinking about it. Then one day, my doctor said…Nicole; you could lose a good 8 pounds.

Now, I have this issue with myself where if someone challenges me, I normally push myself to get there. I did just that…I started eating super healthy and exercising constantly. I then got cast as Sandy in Grease and was nervous that I had to fit in that hot, tight outfit at the end, so I pushed myself even more. I remember watching the Grease movie every night and running to it. I soon was a healthy weight and looked pretty good.

Then I went to college and was nervous about the unhealthy foods in the cafeteria and so I restricted what I ate. I didn’t touch meat at all and mostly ate only salads, but still worked out a ton. When I did this, I got a little obsessed with working out and now the doctors were saying I was underweight. It was crazy how I got that far into it but I did and was pretty addicted to exercise. Luckily a personal trainer noticed and helped me to remember that I was beautiful inside and out and didn’t need to be any thinner.

I then had a major surgery and could no longer run like I used to. I worked out less and soon realized I was gaining weight. Because of this, I read the book Skinny Bitch and decided to become a vegetarian. When I became a vegetarian, I started having lots of soy products and gained even more weight. I was so confused because I thought that I would lose weight on this diet. I soon found out from an endocrinologist that I actually had a thyroid problem and because I wasn’t on thyroid medication, the soy had affected me and made me gain weight. Since then, it has been really hard to lose weight. I even got certified as a personal trainer and worked out all the time. I tried isogenix and a raw food diet and acupuncture but nothing seemed to work.

Now I find myself just eating more unhealthy things than I used to because I guess I gave up. I guess I felt, why eat healthy if I wasn’t seeing results. Well, as you know by my determination, that is not a good path for me either and so it is time to make a major change.

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, as you may know from my previous blogs. Well one day, I was on the train and saw these 2 gorgeous people sit next to me and they began reading fitness magazines. They just kept talking about fitness and so I said, “Do you guys do fitness competitions?” and they said yes and that they were boyfriend and girlfriend. I started to tell them how into fitness I was, but about my thyroid problem. Soon the girl told me that she used to weigh a lot and has a thyroid problem too and about this guy who helped her. She said anything is possible.

So the day has finally come for me, to get a diet and exercise plan from this guy. The guy she recommended has been in tons of fitness magazines, is a bodybuilder, and also Italian (so no excuses for me eating too much bread and pasta). So you may ask, why would you share all this with your blog readers? Well I have to state this down, so that I know I will stick to it and so I don’t back out. I have just not felt right in my body. I feel that my body is so much more than it has been and I have been eating the wrong foods to fuel it. I also know that the entertainment industry is high on body image, but it’s not as much about pleasing someone else as it is about pleasing me. I want to be the healthiest self that I can be…yes healthy….not sickly, so no worries. I will be embarking on this journey on Wednesday and hope that I have all of my reader’s support and encouragement. I’m only 23, so if I don’t get healthy now, when will I?

Give and You shall recieve

2010-06-09T12:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, the boys I babysit asked me if I could pick them up early from afterschool.I was surprised by this because normally when I go to pick them up, they ask me if they can stay longer. I figured maybe they were going to ask me to take them out for ice cream when I got there. I rushed out of the shower and went over to the school as fast as I could. When I arrived, the youngest boy came running towards me! He had tons of silly bands (the new hot item for kids). He plopped them on the ground and picked out all of the bands which were shaped like music and with a smile said, “These are all for you!” It was such a special moment for me. Here he was only 7 years old and giving me something whole-heartedly. I am definitely going to wear these silly bands wherever I go!

Another thing that happened just the other day with the boys was that the oldest one, who is 10, decided that as my belated birthday gift, he was going to draw a portrait of me. He worked so hard on it, studying every detail of my face. It was 8pm already and his father was home, but he hardly looked up. He kept going, “Ah, the hair isn’t perfect enough!” It was so cute that he would drop everything and do this for me.

The other day, I walked into small world coffee and a friend of mine was working and gave me her discount. It really made me happy but not because I didn’t have to pay as much but because it made me feel that she really cared for me as a person.

I guess now I understand why my mother never cared to get any big gifts from us when we were little. It is really the thought that counts and sometimes a card is the best part!

Leo Buscaglia

2010-06-05T20:08:00.000-07:00

I recently discover an author whom I love. His name is Leo Buscaglia. He is an amazing man and has some beautiful books. I love bookstores so much. I could spend a whole day in one. Recently I was on Nassau Street in Princeton and walked by the sale books outside of Labyrinth bookstore. I was with my friend and I noticed a book called Living, Loving, and Learning by Leo Buscaglia. The book was all torn up but it struck me and I felt the need to buy it. It was only 2 dollars too!

I have been reading this book so much! I love it. It is so inspirational and has made me really value more things. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book…

“One thing that Thoreau says is that: “Birds never sing in caves.” And neither do we. In order to learn, you’ve got to be free. You’ve got to be free to experiment, to try, free to make mistakes. That’s the way you learn. I can understand your mistakes and profit greatly from mine. The secret is not to make the same one twice. But I need to be free to experiment and to try. Give me that chance. Allow me the freedom to be and to be myself and to find the joy in need. Don’t give me your hang-ups! Let me find and overcome my own!”

“This morning I said, Love is learned,” and it is. Love is learned, fear is learned, prejudice is learned, hate is learned, concern is learned, responsibility is learned, commitment is learned, respect is learned, kindness and gentility are learned. All of these are learned in a society, in the home, in a relationship. You start language processes at the age of one and two when words begin to appear and take on emotional and intellectual content. And those are the words with which you will live for the rest of your life and which will either cage you or free you. This is tremendously important.

“What is essential is indeed in you. But it’s frightening inside and dark and it’s not easy to search in the dark. And nobody teaches us how. How many classes did you ever have in your entire educational career that taught you about you? They taught you mathematics, and I’m not saying that that is not essential, but you can live without it. Did you know that? It’s nice to have! It’s nice to be able to read, but you can also live very joyously without being able to read. I’m not encouraging you not to learn how to read, even though many of you spent years learning how, and now you don’t read anyway. Statistics show that the average university graduate-and this is going to shock you-reads maybe one book a year after graduation.”

These are just some of my favorite things that he said, but I hope they made you think. The book is great and I am still reading and can’t wait to read more of his books. You can also find him on youtube lecturing.

Appreciation

2010-06-04T19:54:00.000-07:00

Lately I have felt so much more appreciative than ever before. I keep on noticing the littlest things, from sunsets to water to a smile someone gives me as they pass me by. I really feel lucky for everything that I have had in my life.

I am now in the working world and it can be hard sometimes. I think of all the things that my parents provided me with growing up and how little I realized how much they were really doing for me.

I was given work off from nannying and my princess job this past weekend and I was lucky enough to go home to Connecticut. It was so great to be with all of my family. No matter how far I go from home, they are such a huge part of who I am.

Today I was on a train to New York and this girl let me sit with her and we talked the whole train ride. I really appreciate that. She could have slept or read but yet she talked to me and it made my day to share conversation.

When I was walking to the train station, a guy was dressed in dr. pepper clothes promoting dr. pepper and he gave me a free Diet Dr. Pepper…such a little thing, but it made me smile.

Maybe it is the economy or just me, but I always find the simple wonders of life to be the best things.

I have a fan

2010-05-25T20:41:00.001-07:00

Today, I awoke groggily, to head to the gym and decided to check my e-mail quickly. I noticed a letter from an e-mail and name that I did not recognize. As I began to read, I was pleasantly surprised. It was from a girl who just graduated college and had seen me on the Tyra Banks Show talking about my blog. She told me of how my blog had helped her and also asked for advice for some things she was feeling and about trust and friendships. I would like to share my response to her because it has some advice that I think everyone can relate to at least a little...

Hello,
Wow. First off, I must say, how did you find me online? I didn't think the Tyra show, showed my last name...it must have been quite a search. Secondly, it is amazing that you feel comfortable enough to pour all of this out to me...it shows me that I must be doing something right with my blogs. Sometimes I write and feel that no one is even reading. Your e-mail was very long so I took some notes so that I could address all that I wanted to address to you. Here is what I have to say to you...
*I can relate to always staying strong and motivated everyday for yourself and not always having someone to do that for you. It is definitely hard but times are tough, I do like you did and read inspirational things and I pray and I write and try to reflect on the positive things that have happened in my life. Sometimes you have to be your own best friend and find things that you love to do...whether that be simply walking in a park or listening to your favorite music or working out.
* No worries about the long note...I write excessively too, as you can tell with my blogs.
* I am truly honored that you would come to me for advice. It made my day to see your e-mail, so know that you are truly important and what you do effects people and I'm sure it effects your friends, even if it seems that they do not notice.
* I believe that every road block you have brings you closer to your goals in life and teaches you to be strong. Also if you don't try, you can't succeed or fail...watch this video about failing...it's actually a good thing...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vi1ZF8yG3v4
* It is normal to feel weak but try to relish in the times that you feel strong and remember that feeling.
* One thing that is hard to learn is that everyone grows up different and thinks differently and it is impossible to get people to think like you and sometimes even understand you. All that you can do is lead by example and lead your life the way that you feel is right to you and hopefully they will come along for the ride, but if not it's okay. Your lucky if you have a few close friends...keep your friends close and your enemies closer...they say that stuff for a reason and of course trust is hard with anyone.
*I can tell from your e-mail that you have a huge heart and empathy...that is a gift from God and not many people have that, so cherish that and share it as much as you can, even at the risk of being hurt...I swear you will be happy knowing you did that. It is a rare gift to have.
*Know that it's not you...if you are a good friend and treat people nice...it is not you.
* People have their own agenda's sometimes in life. Especially now, people are competitive for jobs and can get jealous and they put themselves first a lot. Your friend probably wasn't trying to hurt you but had her agenda as top priority.
* You seem to care about people's feelings more than your own. I do that a lot too but sometimes you have to look at the seesaw and see how much more time you have invested in your friends rather than yourself and keep that in balance. It is great to try to please but when you please yourself you will be happy and also please your friends. You also can't get taken advantage of and end up with friends who are just using you.
*Reading what you wrote made me feel such empathy for you and a little sad. I have been through a lot in life and still feel hurt by people but every time someone has hurt me, it has made me stronger and learn and grow and able to inspire. You feel inspired by me because you can relate to what I have written and felt through experience. If I wrote of all success and all happiness on a platter without learning from tougher times, you may not feel as inspired. Try to channel the hard times to be relateable and help someone else who maybe needs guidance.
*Now here is a major thing that I must say and the Beatles said well..."All you need is Love" I truly believe love is the most important thing in life. Everyone needs love but love is a risk. You need love in any relationship, wether it is a friend or a romantic partner. The thing is that when you put your whole heart into everything you do and everyone you meet, it is bound to get hurt, but if you want to love you have to go 100 percent even if you risk getting hurt.
* I truly believe that people come in and out of your life for a reason. I have been friends with many people for a long time and as time went on something happend and our friendship died. I hate to look at it as I hate that person. I look at it as, at one point we needed eachother in our lives and now we are traveling different paths and I must take all the good from the friendship and move on. No matter how mean people are to you or how bad you and a friend fight, there was a reason that you became friends in the first place and you need to remember that reason, cherish that and move on.
*Spend time with people who want to spend time with you...don't chase after or try to please and get the attention of the people who don't. You want to be around people who make you feel amazing and the best person you can be. If you don't have those friends at the moment, and I promise you will someday...focus your energy on a hobby.
*Most important try to concentrate on the good and not the bad...it is hard but try
I hope I helped you a little. I don't know your friend or your exact situation but I can assure you I have been in your shoes countless times and this is what has helped me. Just from your letter alone, I know you have good intentions in life. Go with that. Learn from everything you do and try not to blame or let yourself use up energy on other people. You are in control of your happiness. Let me know if I helped you at all! I wish you the best! Congratulations on graduating!
Love, Luck, and Laughter Always,
Nicole :)

Growing Up

2010-05-24T20:20:00.000-07:00

More and more, I keep realizing why I am the way I am and how I fit into society and how different the world is. Sometimes I feel as though I am really naïve. I always view things as good and see good in all people and sometimes, I get really surprised. I even get hurt a lot too, but no matter what, I don’t let my optimism die. It gives me so much, even if I lose a lot too.

I grew up in a small town in Connecticut, where there really was hardly any crime and basically everyone knew each other. There was one grocery store, 1 bank, 1 drug store, 1 hardware store and basically a predominately white race. I then went to an all girls’ Catholic high school where most people were Catholic or at least Christian and where we were taught Christian morals and about leadership. Everyone there was mostly middle class or somewhat wealthy. I then went to college at a music school, with only 400 people, where everyone had a passion for music. Every teacher knew our names, and it was a safe environment and you said hello to everyone that you would pass. It was basically a bubble.

Now I am in the real world and more and more I realize how big and different the world really is. People look at things in totally different ways and believe so many different things and it doesn’t mean your right and they are wrong or they are right and you are wrong. It just means that you have to take a walk in their shoes and try to understand that it is all about where you come from.
When I am Disney princesses or a clown, I walk into so many environments that are totally different from where I came from. I see all different nationalities and ethnicity's and taste new foods from these cultures and learn of new concepts. In many cultures, it is rude to eat while you are standing and I learned that from a little girl who was Indian yesterday. Also people have different religious beliefs or even different ways that they interact with each other.

When you grow up in a world of safety, it can be extra hard to expand and experience something new and go outside yourself like that. I have learned so much this year and grown so much and even learned from the bad too. I think it is important for everyone, even if they are really set in their ways, to try walking in other people’s shoes who are totally different than you and understanding them. It will truly open your eyes.

Learn Something Everywhere

2010-05-23T16:45:00.000-07:00

My job as a children’s party entertainer is pretty incredible. There are definitely some bad parts about it, like getting stuck driving in a bad area, in traffic, being super hungry and not having time to eat, having to go to the bathroom and not having time or anywhere to go, having to talk over a loud party without a microphone, having kids who know your not the real thing etc…but other than that, it is pretty incredible because there are so many great things that counteract the bad.

Here is a taste of some of those things…It is amazing to have a kid fall so in love with you, in an instant, just because your dressed up as a princess or a clown. It is incredible how families can welcome you in and invite you to share a meal with them after a performance, and even hug you on the way out, as if you truly are their family. It is amazing how you can learn something new and become so cultured from all the different ethnicities of people that you perform for. It is amazing how you could have kid’s chasing you to your car as you leave and you could feel bad for leaving and not think about yourself or anything else in that moment, but pleasing them. It is amazing how you could make a kid who doesn’t seem to want to be at the party, want to be at the party. It’s amazing how I can make up some simple dance moves and have everyone imitate me. It is amazing how I could put “princess makeup” on a little girl and make her feel like a beautiful princess. It is amazing how you can make a kid feel as though he has performed magic and has that power. It is amazing how if I simply smile at a child, they will light up and smile back.

But the most amazing thing is the honesty in children. I live my life by honesty, but children can be the most honest people you’ll ever encounter. Yes, they may pretend that they didn’t get a balloon yet in order to get another one, but they will tell you exactly how they feel about you and show you that in their faces. They don’t hide anything. Comments I have received from the children include, “I like your hearts on your face.” “You’re a pretty clown.” “You must practice balloons a lot.” “I Love You.” “Your not the real sleeping Beauty.” “Your hair is not really white…can I see what it really is?” “ You’re the best.”

So sometimes the life of a princess isn’t easy, but it has definitely taught me and cultured me more than I could have imagined.

Tv pilot

2010-05-17T21:33:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone! Check out the new TV Pilot that I am in. We started filming today. Become a fan on facebook if you want...http://www.facebook.com/pages/Taste-That-Town-Official-Fan-Site/118378591528623

www.tastethattown.com

Obama's speech to graduates

2010-05-16T22:07:00.000-07:00

Congratulations. Since I couldn’t be at every high school and college commencement this year, I wanted to send a message to all of the graduates in this country who are about to embark on the next chapter of your young and promising lives.

There are generations of Americans who came of age during periods of peace and prosperity. When they graduated from high school or college, they entered a world of comfort and stability where little was required of them beyond their obligations to themselves an their families.

That is not the world you are about to inherit. You are growing up in a time of great challenge and sweeping change. You will search for jobs in an economy that is still emerging from one of the worst recessions in history. You will seek a profession in an era where a high school diploma and a factory job are no longer sure paths to success. And you will raise your children in a world where threats like terrorism and a changing climate cannot be contained within a country’s borders.

At times like these, when the future seems unsettled and uncertain, it can be easy to lose heart. When you turn on the television or read newspapers or blogs, the voices of cynicism and pessimism always seem to be the loudest.

Don’t believe them.

Yes, we are facing difficult times. But America has been through them before. In the 1930s, young men and women saw one-third of the nation ill-clothed, ill-housed, ill-fed, and later witnessed tyranny sweep across Europe and the Pacific. In the 1960s, millions of students participated in peaceful protests – against those who sought to keep them divided by race, against a war they believed unjust – and were met with billy clubs and fire hoses.

So many times in so many eras, Americans your age could have decided to just go about their own business, fend for themselves, and leave our country’s problems for somebody else to solve.

But they didn’t

You are graduating today in part because those who came before you had the courage to look past their differences, face down their common difficulties, and perfect their union. It was young soldiers who pushed forward at Lexington and at Gettysburg, at Normandy and at Kandahar. It was graduates like you who looked across a continent and built the railroads, highways, schools, and universities that have fueled the most prosperous economy in the world. It was a 33-year-old Thomas Jefferson who wrote the Declaration of Independence; a 33-year-old Elizabeth Cady Stanton who organized the Seneca Falls Convention, the first national women’s rights convention; a 26-year-old Martin Luther King Jr. who began his journey to the mountaintop; and a 20-year-old Bill Gates who started one of the most transformative companies on Earth

All of these Americans faced long odds. All of them faced doubt. Many grew up in times of discord and difficulty. Yet they knew that while America’s destiny is never certain, our ability to shape it always is. Ours is a history of renewal and reinvention, where each generation finds a way to adapt, thrive, and push the nation forward with energy, ingenuity, and optimism.

That is your charge as graduates – our future is in your hands. The United States is still a land of infinite possibilities waiting to be seized, if you are willing to seize them.

While government plays a role in making a more prosperous and secure future possible for America, the final outcome ultimately depends on you and the choices you make from here on out.

Of course, each of you has the right to take your diploma and seek the quickest path to the biggest paycheck or the highest title possible. But remember: You can choose to broaden your concerns to include your fellow citizens and country instead. By tying your ambitions to America’s, you’ll hitch your wagon to a cause larger than yourself. You can choose a career in public service or the nonprofit sector, or teach in an underserved school. If you have medical training, you can work in an understaffed clinic. Love science? You can discover new sources of clean energy or launch a business that makes the most efficient and affordable solar panels or wind turbines.

Or you may decide to make your mark in ways that may be smaller but are just as important – volunteering at a local shelter, tutoring or mentoring schoolkids, staying involved in the local and national debates that shape our lives and the life of our country, or raising your own children to be generous and productive Americans.

No matter what you choose to do, know that you have the ability – each one of you – to write the next chapter in America’s story. Starting your careers in troubled times is a challenge, but it’s also a privilege. When I left for Chicago after college to be a community organizer, I, like many of you, had no idea what the future would hold for me. What I did know was that somehow, in some way, I wanted to make an impact on the world around me.

It’s times like the one you’re facing today that force us to try harder and dig deeper. Times like these move us to fin the greatness we each have inside and, in doing so, rediscover the greatness that defines us as a nation. These are the tasks lying before you, and I have no doubt all of you are up to the challenge.

Thanks Ed Tseng for posting this...

simple things

2010-05-14T12:12:00.000-07:00

It is amazing how the simplest of things can make your day. Today, I had a voice lesson in New York and I had to wake up really early to get there. I felt extra tired today, but forced myself out of bed. I wasn’t in the best mood today and was not feeling that my voice sounded its best today. I got on the subway, after waiting a while for the C train to come and when I boarded, took a look around at the people on the subway. I love seeing new faces so I always take a quick glance around and then I stop looking, but this time there was a face that I had to keep staring at. It looked to me like it was Keanu Reeves. He had a scruffy, big beard though and pretty regular clothes and was reading a newspaper. People kept getting on and off the subway and no one else was even glancing at him. I started watching him closely and remembering his mannerisms that I had seen so many times in movies. (The Matrix and Sweet November are definitely two of my favorites.) He seemed to be reading the paper over and over again, even when he was just about to put it down. I knew that it had to be him. I wished that I could have the courage to get up from the opposite side of the subway and walk over and talk to him, but I didn’t want to cause a scene.

As I got off of the subway at 34^th street, I took a glance from outside and knew it was him for sure! He looked at me and gave me the peace sign and as the subway left, he kept on waving to me. It made my day and I almost wondered if it made his a little too because so many people hadn’t recognized him. It was such a simple thing but meant so much.

On Saturday, it was my birthday and I had a party with friends. I had friends from home, which I knew most of my life, friends from high school and new friends. Just having them come together and be at my house and take the time to do that meant more than any gift. Seeing people laughing, talking, and even meeting new people makes me happier than anything.

22

2010-05-12T20:27:00.000-07:00

So I am twenty-three now, and I cannot believe it! It feels like I was just in high school and I have already been out of college for a year. Twenty-two was definitely a big journey of discovery for me. It was my first time, really being independent and setting my own schedule, instead of being locked into a school schedule of required classes. I think that I grew to know the working world in so many ways, from working at the Wyndham hotel as a waitress and meeting many business people and people from other countries, to traveling to New York for auditions, to working for the entertainment company and being exposed to different families and lifestyles and cultures and performing all alone in unknown territory, to being a nanny of two wonderful boys and learning about their life and how to be the best role model that I could be for them, to being exposed to behind the scenes of the entertainment industry, to finding other strengths and talents that I never knew I had. Twenty-Two challenged me in so many ways, but I discovered myself in so many ways too. I have driven practically the whole state of New Jersey now, have a pretty good handle on how to use the subway now, have learned how to feel comfortable immersed in new cultures, have lived in an environment that I didn’t feel comfortable in and learned to not let people’s negativity effect me and to hold myself high and always act with 100% confidence.

Twenty-Two was a good year and it toughened me up to prepare for what twenty-three has in store. I think every age brings wisdom and more of a sense of purpose and a glimpse of what life is about. I am excited to see what twenty-three will bring…

Train Ride

2010-05-11T16:27:00.000-07:00

On my birthday, I got on the train to go home to Connecticut and had so much stuff to carry. I had my suitcase, a backpack, and 10 roses from my boyfriend, a coffee, and food. There were no seats to be found and I was nervous as to what I should do.

All of a sudden I saw an empty seat next to a Spanish man who looked a little older than me. He smiled as I sat down and I felt bad as I crowded our seat with all of my stuff. I turned to him and said, "This train is sooo crowded!" He quietly said back, "I know." I then asked where he was getting off and he said Fairfield. I exclaimed that Fairfield was beautiful and he explained that he only worked there, but did not live there. He said he worked at the Hibachi Grille. I told him that I thought that was so cool and I loved how the cooks do funny tricks there.

Soon we were deep in conversation and he told me that he had come back from New York and was just trying to finish high school, but his job was making it hard for his dream to become possible. He explained how he had come over from Ecuador and wanted to graduate high school, and be successful and help all of the poor people there. He explained how different America was and how many natural things they had in Ecuador from fruit picked off the trees to water fetched from streams and rivers.

It was amazing to hear his story and I was so touched. He said he was already 27 and didn't know if his dreams would ever come true and he said he used to not be able to speak English. I told him not to worry and that he had already come that far and hadn't quit, so I was sure he could go farther and make his dreams come true.

He thanked me immensely for taking the time to talk with him and said that I was the first American woman ever to take the time to do that! He said he mostly worked and didn't have many people in his life to uplift him. I told him about my blog and gave him my e-mail. It was amazing what one train ride could do and he really made me evaluate my own life and realize how important it is to never give up and hold on to your dreams.

Listening

2010-04-25T08:24:00.000-07:00

Today something hit me. What if there was a day when I had no one left to listen to me? I feel being heard is so important to me and I never realized this till just recently. When you experience something it is great but when you share it, sometimes it is even better.

I don't know what I would do without my mom. She hears all of my stories, no matter how long, about my entertainment shows and even my auditions, and even when I need to vent. I know sometimes she has other things to do but she drops it all to listen to me.

Sometimes, I feel that I have so much to say and share and if I don't tell someone, it is like I get anxious. Just the other day I was a clown, and these kids listened to every word I said with such amazement. It is a powerful thing to be heard.

I was thinking, okay, maybe I am being selfish but then I realized that the whole world is sucked into social media right now. Everyone wants their tweets to be read or their status on facebook read, they want their story in the news, they want a voice. We even vent thing or talk about things with co-workers or people throughout our day. But how many people really listen or are focusing on what they are going to say next? I definitely have been guilty of it because it takes a lot of patience but I work to be better on it everyday.

But what if their was no one to listen to you?

Friendship

2010-04-19T06:50:00.000-07:00

It is amazing how friendship works. I remember as a child, buying those little best friend necklaces and making sure I gave one to my "bestest" friend, almost as if claiming that she was only my best friend. I even remember two girls fighting with me because one thought she was my best friend and the other had the necklace. Looking back, it seems so silly.

I have really learned that in life, if you have a few good friends, you are pretty lucky though. It amazes me everyday though that at age 22, I still can make new friends who add to my life and I connect with. This weekend my eyes were opened to friends old and new.

On Friday night, I was tired after work, but a girl who works for the same entertainment company as me, asked me if I wanted to go out for tea and chat. We had only ever worked with each other once, as princesses, and had never seen each other face to face, as our true identities. We had talked so much on the phone though. I was a little nervous to meet up with her but decided to go out. It ended up being great. We chatted till 2am at this diner and were the cheapest customers but the waitress loved us. We had so many things to talk about and it was so nice to be able to relate to someone with all of my princess adventures, as she had been in the same shoes as me. It was so nice to learn about her journey through life and see her life as a princess.

The next day, I went to NYC to visit my good friend Emily. We have been friends since we were like 6 years old. It is pretty amazing because when we were small, we did everything together but then she moved to New Hampshire and I was so sad. She was so good at keeping in touch though and we wrote letters (yes, letters, not e-mails), back and forth through the years. She finally moved back to Connecticut years later with her family but to a different town. We went to different high schools and remained friends and then to different colleges and remained friends and now I live in New Jersey and she lives in New York and we are still friends. If you really want to laugh, check out Emily's amazing blog at http://todaywithemtay.blogspot.com/

When I arrived at the train station, we met up and went to Jamba juice, which was delicious and then, walked around Times Square and just chatted. I slept over and the next morning she took me on a tour through Riverside Park, Columbia University, to the Grant Monument, as well as the coolest bathrooms in the city. No, for real. There are bathrooms that have TV's in the mirrors...pretty crazy stuff. We ate lunch in Central Park and talked about every topic imaginable. It was so amazing that after all this time, we still have so much to talk about and I can still see that little Emily inside of her. I hope we continue to stay close friends through the years.

So old friends and new friends can really add to your life. As my Dad always says, "Make a friend."

Tyra

2010-04-18T20:52:00.001-07:00

Watch me on the Tyra Banks Show today at 4pm

Home Sweet Home

2010-04-13T12:06:00.000-07:00

I find it amazing that home is always where the heart is. I had been away from Connecticut since January, and although that really isn’t very long, when I came back this week, I realized that I really missed it a lot. My friends are there, my family is there, my small town is there, and the water is there. Now don’t get me wrong, I love New Jersey but Connecticut will always be my home.

When I first arrived, I had many doctors’ appointments, as my health insurance does not cover New Jersey. All was fine and then I met up with one of my close friends Sean. We ate lunch at this cool café in Middletown, called Brew Bakers. We then went to see the movie Remember Me, even though he thought it would be a chic flick…but it turns out that it is actually really sad and brings up family issues. We enjoyed it a lot. Then we met up with my good friend Jenny at a vegetarian restaurant and shared some laughs. It was really nice to laugh with my friends and not feel the need to impress, which often happens when you make new friends as you age. It was great to just be me, the Nicole they have always known. The next day my friend Kelly, who I have known since I was three, asked me to go to the gym with her. She knew how into fitness I was and so I joined her for a strength class and kickboxing class and it was really fun. That night some of my other friends and I went to La Boca in Middletown for trivia night. It was fun but I could only answer a few questions.

During the Weekend, my friends Jenny, and Carolyn, and I went to a couple bars in Hartford. I had never been to one there before, but it was fun and we watched an awesome band called The Queen Killing Kings. They had amazing stage presence and we ended up getting pictures with them after and buying their CD.

Easter was really fun as well, but it was hard to get up for church in the morning. I got to see my relatives, who I had not seen in a while and eat my mom’s amazing cooking.

Overall, My Connecticut trip was great. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and maybe that is what it was because this time coming back to Connecticut really made me reflect and miss a lot.

Garden State Film Festival

2010-03-29T19:12:00.001-07:00

This weekend the film that I was in, Action Junkies, was in the Garden State Film Festival. You may see more information about it here...http://knightvisionfilms.com/2010_Festivals.html

The Garden State Film Festival was such a wonderful experience for me. I went to the cocktail meet and greet gala on Friday night and had great food and was able to watch two amazing movies at the Paramount Theater in Asbury Park, NJ. One was called, Ripe Strawberries, which starred Raul Julia and the other one was called, Chicago Overcoat, and starred Armand Assante and Frank Vincent. They were both amazing movies.

The next day, I went to see three other films and met the director of Chicago Overcoat, Brian Caunter, as well as the director, James Kicklighter, of an excellent film called, Car Wash, starring Edith Ivey. You may see the movie here...http://www.imdb.com/video/wab/vi2300314649/ and the trailer of Chicago Overcoat here...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJwGdG7Pta4

These films were both great as well.

At the end of the day, the film that I was in played along with an amazing music video and another amazing movie called, Beyond the Fire, written by Maeve Murphy. You may see the trailer here http://www.maevemurphy.net/page6/page2/page2.html. It was an amazing film and I was able to talk with the panel after.

The next day, I also met a director who was from Massachusettes, named Taylor Toole. He had a feature film at the festival called, Mow Crew, that was also really good. It took place in Martha's Vineyard. You may see the trailer here...http://woodshole.bside.com/2009/films/mowcrew_woodshole2009;jsessionid=5A5D42AF5BD03025E2EBD5B11EA9DF79

It was so amazing to be at this festival and be in the presence of the creative minds behind these films. I felt truly inspired after the festival.

Random Encounters

2010-03-25T11:13:00.000-07:00

I love random encounters. What I mean by this is when you meet someone unexpectedly and they add something to your day. Yesterday I had a French lesson in Princeton at Small World Coffee shoppe. I have always wanted to learn French, so I started taking lessons with a private tutor who also speaks Armenian and Arabic but went to French Schools her whole life. She is originally from Lebanon but lives in Princeton now. I have really learned a lot from her. We always end up chatting after the lesson but this time she had to go early.

I had some time to kill before I had to go to work, so I decided to stay in the coffee shoppe and write some songs. I noticed 2 older men sit above me but I kept on writing. I then left my stuff and went to the bathroom. When I came back, I noticed another older gentleman by my seat. The 2 above him asked him to move because I was writing a book. I laughed and then they asked if I was really writing a book. I told them that I was actually writing songs. "Oooh your a singer?" They exclaimed with excitement. I began to explain that I graduated from Westminster Choir College and they knew my school right away. They told me that I could get a lot of inspiration from this particular coffee shoppe because they always see interesting things there. One of the older men even started singing...it was so funny and really made my day. They were from Germany so I spoke a line from a song and they were so happy.

I gave them my e-mail and they said they would let me know what things they saw on their coffee shoppe visits. I love stuff like this...you never know who might make your day or might inspire you. I feel it is important to be open to every encounter.

Truly inspired

2010-03-23T20:54:00.000-07:00

All I can say is wow! Tonight I went to the Bobby Mcferrin concert and was truly inspired. He performed at the McCarter Theater here in Princeton, NJ. He is most known for his song "Don't Worry, Be happy!"

When he walked out, he was wearing very simple clothing, just a t-shirt, jeans, and old shoes. He only had his microphone and speakers but came out performing right away. He referenced some streets in Princeton in his songs and made the audience listen closely. He then involved the audience with his songs and even had people come up and dance and sing. It was amazing to watch all of the energy he had and how much happiness radiated from him. He only really chatted with the audience a little in between his songs but I found myself clinging to know him. He had a light about him that made you feel good. His daughter was even at the show and she performed with him.

After the concert he answered any questions the audience had. He ended up telling us that he started off with piano and decided at age 27 that he wanted to be a singer and it took him 6 years before his vision of performing alone on a stage came true. It really was inspirational and showed me that some things don't just come overnight and hard work really does pay off...

A Balloon Pops

2010-03-21T18:18:00.000-07:00

This weekend I had many entertainment shows. On Saturday I was Cinderella at my good friend Antje Bakalov's house. Her daughter was turning four and they had just come back from Disney World. We were nervous that her daughter might realize that Cinderella was just a person who wears a costume since she had just seen a Cinderella in Florida. I was nervous heading over, but had a game plan just in case she realized. Luckily everything went smoothly and the girls were fighting to tell me how they had dresses like me and had seen my movie or read my book. It was really cute.

I then was a Clown at a home in East Brunswick. It was a huge party and there were sooo many kids. I asked them what their favorite subject in school was and they all said gym. I then said, "That is good because we are going to be moving a lot." They all had blank faces and I said...I thought you all liked gym! I was nervous that they wouldn't participate in the games but they ended up really getting into it and were really respectful.

Today I was Cinderella again at a party in Livingston. The party was going really well and one girl even said, "Cinderella, your the best!" but then all of the children's balloons started popping. I started making more for the children but they kept on popping and it was time for me to go. As I was leaving, the children were all crying and I felt really bad. I think it was because the party was outside and sometimes the heat can make the balloons pop. It is interesting how many crazy situations you can get into as an entertainer but at the end of it all, I really love my job.

I think it is so important to love your jobs, even if they are just part time because then you will enjoy them more and put more energy into them and learn in the process.

If at first you don't succeed...Try Try Again

2010-03-15T13:55:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was pretty crazy! On Friday night, my room mate and I decided to go out for Indian Food. He wanted to stay out later but I said I should get back since I had to wake up early for a wedding the next morning. When we headed home, our street seemed pretty dark and to our surprise, when we walked into our house, we realized that we had lost power.

We decided to make the best of it though and got a flashlight and read to each other in crazy voices till we were tired enough to sleep. It was nice to actually not think about the computer or television for a little while.

I was nervous that I would not be able to take a shower before the wedding in the morning but when I awoke, the power had returned. The wedding was for one of my close college friends, Erica Boseski, and it started off at a catholic church in Fair Lawn, NJ. It was such a beautiful wedding, even though it was such a rainy day. After the wedding, I went to the reception at the Venetian hotel. It was incredible. They had a cocktail hour and every appetizer you could think of. We then went into the main dining hall and had salad, bread, salmon with crab cakes over it, and dessert and wedding cake. It sure was a feast. I was reunited with a bunch of people that were also musical theater majors at my college, Laura Cantwell-Guth, Michelle Maccarone, Aaron Lenhart, and Elizabeth Ann Corkum. It was really great to see them and catch up on what we had been doing since Westminster. We all danced like crazy and just acted like our silly selves on the dance floor. It was really fun. I had to sing at another event after and then went home at around 10:30pm. As I drove home, every road I attempted to drive on was closed. My gps kept on rerouting me but each road was closed. I was in a panic and then my phone died. I finally arrived home at 12:30am and again my power was gone. I did not know what to do because I had to wake up early the next morning to be a princess and a clown.

Luckily when morning arrived, my roommate woke me up. We still had no power and I had to turn into Sleeping Beauty to make it to a party at 11 am that was an hour away. I knew I could not ruin a little girl's party by not showing up but had to think how to get ready fast. I gathered all of my sleeping beauty and clown clothes and headed to Dunkin Donuts. Luckily, I am a frequent coffee drinker so they let me use their bathroom and straighten my hair and do my makeup and charge my phone. As I rushed to the job, more roads were closed again and branches and trees were all over the roads. I felt so stressed out and then it started hailing. I did not know how I was ever going to get to my jobs. Luckily I finally arrived at the first one and was greeted by amazing little girls. They had so much fun and then it was time for me to venture off to the next party. Luckily the sleeping beauty party parents allowed me to change into my clown costume there.

As I started driving to the next party, I realized that the location wouldn't register in my GPS. I luckily had map quest directions but as I approached nearer to the location, I realized that they were inaccurate. I began to panic again, not knowing how I'd get there and then I saw from a distance the restaurant that the party was at. The party was a huge success and many of the parents at the party asked for my card. I was thanked immensely by the parents of the little girl who the party was for and they gave me a really good tip.

It was amazing how so many roadblocks were in my way that day and in my mind. I almost let fears and nerves stop me from doing what I had to do but I pressed on and luckily got through the day and everything turned out all right. It made me realize how sometimes in life, when things aren't going your way, maybe you just have to try another path or a different approach but you can't give up. So if at first you don't succeed, Try Try Again!!

Sometimes we all need a smile

2010-03-11T20:05:00.000-08:00

So I had been having a tough week and it was interesting how many people made me smile. Sometimes a smile can be found in the most unlikely of places. I was at the mall, rushing to find a dress for a wedding I am going to and was feeling overwhelmed by all the things I had to do and all of a sudden the sales lady goes, "What is your middle name?" I was taken aback by her question but told her...she smiled and said hers was Marie. Then she said "Your Italian, aren't you?" I said...how did you know and she said because of your last name. She then went on to tell me that she loved Italian food and all of her favorite Italian foods. We ended up having a long discussion about it and all my worries disappeared.

Then that night, I talked with my mom on Skype. She started making all these silly faces, like I always make and I started cracking up.

Then today I was at the gym and these ladies came up to me and were like I don't know how you do it, you always have so much energy to do so many classes.

It is amazing how sometimes the littlest things can really be the biggest things and make a person's day...

Super Nanny

2010-03-09T20:03:00.000-08:00

Today I babysat a little longer than normal. I realized that I am becoming "Super Nanny". I drive the two children to all of their activities, check in with their after school instructors on their behavior, make sure they have all of their stuff and then bring them home. I then help them with their homework, piano, and reading. I then do their laundry, cook them something, and help the littlest one with his physical therapy on his arm. I realize I talk with them a lot and share my taste in music, culture, and theater. I discuss my child hood and my philosophies on life. I guess it hit me today that I really have now been trained to be a "Super Nanny". The thing I notice most though is that I know how to make the kid's laugh, or share their day with me, or turn something boring into something fun. Growing up, I never had a nanny. My mom always made sure she was there and that was important to me and meant a lot. I realized today how much I may be influencing these kids without even realizing it. I then started thinking about how much we are influenced by the world around us. I have this little problem where sometimes I seek too many people's advice or perspective on something and lose my own original perspective on the issue. I can be influenced at times by someones advice on a matter but normally when I get too many opinions, go back to mine again. I have to be a great role model everyday for these children and I think in life we need to be good role models and have good character because we may be influencing people that we don't even realize we are influencing...

You are not alone

2010-03-02T17:54:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was one of the scariest days of my life. I could not stop vomiting the night before, unexpectedly. The last time I remember ever vomiting was high school so I knew something had to be seriously wrong with me. I didn't know if I had food poisoning or a stomach bug. When I awoke in the morning, I felt weak and extremely dizzy. I tried to walk downstairs to get a cup of water and almost collapsed to the floor. My vision was blurred and I could not even see the sink. Somehow I was able to get a cup of water and drank some quickly. I had to sit down quickly and fell asleep on our kitchen table. I managed my way upstairs and called my landlord and asked him if I should go to the emergency room. He quickly came over with italian bread, bananas, and ginger ale. As I ate a little and drank a little, I felt the dizziness go away. I was so grateful that he came over. I slept pretty much all day and then my friend Leah stopped by with vitamin water and jello for me. It meant so much to me and helped me a lot. When I awoke this morning, I felt ten times better so I am thinking maybe it was food poisoning or a 24 hour bug. I stuck to bland foods all day and was able to babysit. As I left my babysitting job, I decided to go to the library and read some books and relax. I was feeling a little hungry but didn't know what to have for dinner so I stopped by the deli, Olives, in town and asked if they had bread. They told me that they were closed but then gave me 8 mini baguettes and when I said how much they said ehhh just 1 dollar. I thanked them immensely and then told them it meant a lot because I was getting over being sick and bread was the only thing that made my tummy feel ok. It is moments like this that make me believe there are still really good people in this world. All I kept picturing yesterday was collapsing and being alone on a floor in the middle of my kitchen and at the end of the day, I realized how many people were there for me in a heartbeat.

Health

2010-02-24T07:21:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, I took continuing education courses for personal training to keep my personal training certificate. I was certified as a personal trainer last year through W.I.T.S, World Instructors Training School, and in order to keep your certification, you must take continuing education courses every two years.

My first course was called Functional Flexibility For Performance. I learned a lot and we had to run around 8 times to get our bodies warm and then do all different stretches. We did this because a muscle can not be stretched if it is too cold. I learned that when you do cardio before a strength training workout, you should use a machine that mimics the muscle you are going to use. For example, if you are going to work on your back, use the elliptical machine before hand. I also learned that the only people who really need to stretch before a workout are dancers, gymnasts, divers, and sprinters. Otherwise it is not necessary to stretch before.

The next class that I had was called The Personal Trainer Business and Selling Skills Seminar. This class was really amazing because I felt that I could apply it to all areas of my life. It was basically about how to market yourself as a trainer. The teacher, Kazuko "Kaz" Aoyag, (http://kazpersonalfitness.com/html/meetkaz.html) , told us many important things. She said that "Your future is only limited by beliefs, if you don't think you'll be successful, you won't be successful. She also said that you can't help anyone else if you are frustrated or unhappy so be kind to your inner you. She emphasized the importance of making money in the world right now and how we shouldn't forbid ourselves from making money because if we have good hearts, once we have money, we will do good things with it. She also emphasized not taking criticisms from people. She gave us the example that when you get a gift from someone and you don't like it, you can always return it or maybe not use it. It is the same with criticisms, if you don't like what they said about you, you don't have to hold onto it.

She also told us a story about how people at Harvard were told to write down their wishes for their life and the people who did that were most successful because there is a huge power in knowing exactly what you want. She closed with that in order to build your wealth, you need to invest in yourself and there are only 24 hours in a day, so you must budget your time wisely.

The next day I had two more courses, called Nutritional Concepts for Success. I have always been fascinated by nutrition and this really opened my eyes to a lot of things that I was forgetting about. I learned that you always want to stay closest to the natural food. For example you have an orange, and then orange juice, and then a pop tart with orange filling. The healthiest choice is of course the orange. I learned about the fad diets and why they are bad for you. Low carb diets are bad because we need the glucose in carbs-they give us our energy. I learned that every 4 grams of sugar that you see on labels is equivalent to 1 tsp of sugar. Some yogurts are loaded with it and soda has a ton too. I learned that a lot of times people really don't eat enough. A good visualization is a car, if you aren't putting anything in (gas, food), your not going to get anything out of it (car won't go, you won't have the energy to work out). I also learned that just because something says natural, doesn't mean it is safe. For example, you wouldn't eat poison ivy just because it is natural. The teacher of this class was Kristin Sprows. (http://exerciseandwellnessforeverybody.blogspot.com/) She really had a lot of valuable information.

I hope this blog helped you to realize some new things too. I really enjoyed continuing my education.

What is love?

2010-02-21T21:07:00.000-08:00

Last weekend, I was princess Belle and a little girl suddenly looked at me straight in the eyes and said, "I love you" as I was wrapping up the show. I don't know why, but hearing that really struck me and made me think about a lot.

After just one hour, I could make this little girl love me. It seemed crazy to me. While I was babysitting, the other day, I met the grandmother of the two boys. She said after about 2 hours of talking to me that she loved me and wanted to adopt me. Here was this word again. It seemed impossible that someone could say that after barely knowing me.

We all heard the word, love, about a million times last Sunday on Valentine's day, the biggest day for love, but why? I heard a man say to another guy...show love everyday, not just today and I think that is brilliant. Love is clearly very important to our lives.

So I started thinking about Love in a deeper way. What is it and how do you receive it? The Beatles say "All You Need Is Love" and millions of songs express it. I think that love is something you can send out to everyone. It does not have to be only for your boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife and I think we sometimes forget that. When you show love for people and care for them with all your heart and pay attention to their needs and wants, that is when I believe you receive it back.

Many people know the famous bible verse (1 corinthians 13: 4-7) that says, Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

This is so true, but do we always follow it. Everyone needs love, who are you forgetting to show love to...

In our minds

2010-02-17T20:53:00.000-08:00

Isn't it amazing how powerful our minds are? Today I took the little boy that I babysit to physical therapy for his arm and he fell asleep during the car ride. When we arrived, I tried to wake him up but he begged me to let him stay in the car. I told him that we were going to be late and he had to work to make his arm stronger but he started crying and said he was too tired.

I said, it would be over soon and we really had to go. When he walked in, he walked over to a chair right away and laid down to sleep. The physical therapist, came over and begged him to come in too. He finally budged, but as she wrapped his arm with a heated towel, he laid his head on the table. In the car, before he fell asleep, I told him about this contest for Dunkin Donuts where you could win 12,000 dollars if you came up with a new donut. He kept thinking of ideas. So while he was too tired to do physical therapy, I said, think of more donut ideas. He asked me if we could get a donut after and I said MAYBE if you do really well with all of your physical therapy.

Suddenly, he had sooooo much energy. As he lifted his arm, he didn't even think about how heavy the weights were and made silly faces while he lifted the weights, and as the weights increased, he had no complaints. He was doing his exercises and even doing more than he had to. He had so much energy and all because of a donut. It was amazing how it was all really in his mind that he was tired and a donut proved that.

How many things are really just in our minds? It could be fears that we can't do things, feeling tired when we really aren't, that we aren't good enough at something when we really are, etc. Think about your mind and visualize your donut and anything is possible...